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Q: I'm 65 years old and my wife died from cancer, very suddenly, seven months ago. I miss her dearly, but I have a high libido and I'm a healthy, active man and would like to be sexual with another woman. A few of my female friends have offered to be friends with benefits. Is it okay to take them up on their offers, or is this too soon after my wife's death?
A: The need for intimacy and solace and physical connection and sensuality with someone else is the most basic human need we have. You will know when you feel ready, but what "ready" means may be many different things.
You may be ready to have sex with someone again, but are you ready to get into a relationship again? Maybe not. If you're longing for intimacy—that physical connection with someone, that sexual aliveness that you feel when sexually connecting with someone—that is great, but I would encourage you to give yourself some more time before getting back into a relationship.
As for the women who are offering to be friends with benefits, just be aware of that, because while they're offering something casual, I can almost guarantee you that the hope is the benefits will lead you to beyond the "friends" status.
— Dr. Laura Berman
Published on April 20, 2009
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