By Jonathan Vatner
Oprah.com |
From the December 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
When the schmuck in the next office lies about you to your boss or you catch your husband flirting online, the
way to make it all better is with a little well-earned payback, right? Think again. Recent research says you'll
be better off turning the other cheek. Here's why:
1. Revenge doesn't make us feel better.
In a study conducted at Colgate University in Hamilton, New York, students played a game in which a player was revealed at the end to be a traitor. One group was allowed to force the rat to forfeit part of his winnings—which most players did—while another was denied that option. Yet the results showed that the punishers wound up stewing longer and feeling more agitated over the outcome than those who didn 't exact revenge.
2. It's not a strategy of highly effective people.
An analysis of a study of more than 20,000 Germans found that people who cared about seeking revenge had fewer close friends, were more likely to be unemployed, and were less happy than people who were eager to grant favors. Think Ted Kaczynski.
3. It creates a vicious cycle.
At SUNY College at Potsdam, New York, a survey of students who were on either the giving or receiving end of vindictive actions determined that avengers generally perceived their actions as fair, while victims typically saw the retaliation as excessive—which could lead to further escalation of a feud.
Bottom line? Tit for tat is not all that—no matter how tempting it might be to set your evil, cheating boyfriend's car on fire.
