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What about couples who have saved themselves for marriage?
I would say, go gentle into that good night. Be very gentle with one another, because there is so much loaded on you about sexual function, sexual dysfunction, who does what to whom, and what is appropriate, and how many orgasms you're supposed to have. I would say, allow yourself to love each other, and allow the love to come out physically, and emotionally, and spiritually as well. Let each other know how much this means to you, and don't look for the benchmarks of sexual success like perfect intercourse, perfect orgasm, and above all, know that sex is much more than intercourse or orgasm or procreation. It's about your body, mind, heart, and soul—you're in it for a long life together, and that is part of the spirituality of it, your commitment.

How do you interpret studies that show that sexual dysfunction is high in society in different forms?
There have indeed been studies done—all of them have been done on a very limited notion of what sex is. These studies that say, for instance, that almost half of women are dysfunctional, in other words that we don't want sex, we're not interested in sex, and we don't do it well, we're not satisfied even when we do. These are based on just a few questions about successful intercourse: how many times you come to orgasm, how many times you have intercourse a week—in other words, what the researchers can count and measure. But if you think about your sexuality in terms of feelings, thoughts, and what it means to you, sex is a whole lot more than we can count or measure.

The Sexy Spirit continues...

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