Iris Krasnow was a well-respected journalist before getting married and starting a family. Surrendering to motherhood was easier than surrendering to her marriage. There were times when both she and her husband were ready to leave. Things began to turn around when they began to let go of the happily-ever-after myth and realized that their marriage was imperfect. Here's what she says:
What is Surrender?
In this case, surrendering doesn't mean submission; it means freedom. It means moving with the rhythm of your life and your marriage. According to Iris, surrendering to marriage is about surrendering to the promise of "I do" that you have made, and working as hard as you can to fulfill it.
Surrendering also means letting go of the marriage fantasy. Iris says, "If you think that the quality of your happiness is going to change dramatically once you march down the aisle, you're wrong."
There Is No Perfect Marriage
Iris found that even marriages on the brink of divorce can be saved when couples let go of their expectations that someone else will make them happy. She says, "If you expect someone else to make you happy, you'll never be happy." When people say that they have an unhappy marriage, the reality is that there are unhappy people in the marriage. There is no perfect marriage because there are no perfect people.
Should You Leave?
At times there are reasons to leave such as sustained agony due to abuse or adultery. However, boredom is not a reason to leave. If you're bored in your marriage, Iris says, the first question to ask yourself is "What am I doing in my life to fill that hole?"
People often cite boredom, not feeling like soul mates, or knowing someone better as reasons for leaving their marriages. Iris says, "There is no one better out there, because you take yourself with you wherever you go."
What Iris Knows For Sure About Marriage:
- Marriage can be hell.
- The grass is never greener on the other side.
- Nobody is perfect, including you.
- You may as well love the one you're with.
Printed from Oprah.com on Friday, March 7, 2014
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