1. Become an Ardent Explorer of Your Own Pleasure
Chapter 5 of Dr. Christiane Northrup's book The Secret Pleasures of Menopause explains the "7 Secret Keys That Open the Door to Wonderful Sexuality and Sensuality after Menopause." Here is her advice, excerpted from the book, for women who want great sex lives after 50:
Maybe you'd like a romantic evening out with your partner on a regular basis. (Who wouldn't?) Ask for it! And be very specific about what would please you. You'll be surprised how willing your partner will be to help make it happen once you request it. (If you don't believe me, just try it. What do you have to lose?) Even if the two of you just go for a drive together to look at the stars on a warm summer night, you'll be cultivating more joy.
Some other ideas you might put on your list include the following: going to the movies more often, hiking or taking a very long walk once a month, finally learning how to play a musical instrument, calling an old friend you haven't talked to in a long time but think of often, enrolling in an adult evening class, joining a book club, taking up a sport, or orchestrating a monthly girlfriends' lunch or dinner.
2. Turn Yourself On!
A great way to immediately experience the power of your own sexuality and sensuality is to use affirmations that really light your fire. A few good examples include:
- I make love with unleashed abandon. I am an unbridled, gorgeous, sexy force of nature.
- I am Aphrodite incarnate. My body, mind, and spirit are wide-open channels for total sexual ecstasy.
- I am completely turned on and irresistible. I am the embodiment of wild abandon and pleasure. I am the Divine courtesan.
- Divine love and Divine sexuality now awaken me to sexual pleasure beyond my wildest dreams.
Write some affirmations of your own, focusing on words and phrases that appeal specifically to you. Choose one and say it out loud to yourself at least twice a day. Then watch how your body responds as your nitric oxide levels soar.
Woman leaning back on rock
3. Remember That a Turned-On Woman Is Irresistible!
Your desire—your ability to get turned on—is virtual Viagra for your partner. There is no more potent aphrodisiac on the planet than a woman who feels irresistible. Talk about a position of power! When you feel deliciously sexy (whether or not you currently have a partner), you exude life force and enthusiasm that is positively contagious!
4. Practice Makes Pleasure!
What it all comes down to, however, is practice. It's the only way you can discover what really turns you on. Self-cultivation is how you learn to put the key into your own ignition, as Regena Thomashauer (Mama Gena) puts it. It's how you rewire yourself for maximum pleasure and nitric oxide production. And it's an empowering health practice—just like meditating or exercising. In addition to just plain feeling good, regular self-pleasuring also keeps your vagina well lubricated and enhances blood flow to the pelvis. Nipple stimulation even enhances breast health. So practice on a regular basis—twice a week, at least!
5. Recognize and Release Anger and Negativity
Anger, resentment, and doubt are the enemies of turning yourself on. If you want to keep feeling deliciously sexy and desirable, you must make a habit of choosing to experience pleasure—and that means consciously letting go of your negative emotions. You can't feel pleasure and negativity at the same time. Believe me, the blood won't go where it's supposed to go (to your genitals), and the turn-on just turns off.
6. Commit to Regularly Exploring Your Body's Pleasure Potential
If you want to reclaim your sexy self, you must make a 100 percent commitment to your sensuality and sexuality. And that means nurturing this essential part of yourself on a regular basis, not merely every once in a while. You wouldn't brush your teeth every other Tuesday and expect fabulous dental health, would you? Of course not!
Do whatever it takes to see yourself as a vibrantly sexy, sensual, and desirable woman every day of your life. You'll find that by following a nitric oxide—enhancing lifestyle and using the power of positive (and sexy) thoughts and beliefs, you'll be able to train your body over time to feel more pleasure than you've ever felt in the past. In fact, there's no ceiling on the amount of pleasure you can enjoy!
7. Live Your Life in a Way That Excites, Motivates and "Turns On" Others to Be at Their Best—and Healthiest
When you start living your life as a totally alive, turned-on woman, an amazing thing happens: Not only does this bring you (as well as your partner, if you have one) an amazing amount of pleasure and happiness, but you also start having a positive effect on everyone else around you. In fact, your joyful outlook becomes positively contagious!
The effect is similar to what happens when you're in a good mood. You've probably often seen how your upbeat mood can put a smile on someone else's face, but the effect I'm talking about here is much deeper and more powerful than just spreading a few smiles.
When you commit to discovering, nurturing, and then living your true passion, it's as if you're stoking a fire in your soul. And you are—a fire fed by nitric oxide! Others then see you not only being confident and comfortable in your own skin, but also celebrating yourself and reaching for joy at every turn. As a result, you will inspire them to do the same. So eventually, they, too, begin making healthier choices that nurture their bodies, minds, and spirits—and on it goes from there! Dr. Northrup talks with women about their most private questions.