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Now, Marcus and Tamica agree their relationship has improved. "Things are great," Marcus says.

Tamica's leap of faith changed everything, Dr. Berman says. "As soon as she let go and started trusting him, everything changed in the bedroom as well. And she was able to reach orgasms during sex in a way that she hadn't before," Dr. Berman says.

As a result of their new emotional connection, Marcus says his view of sex has changed. "It actually got to the point where I didn't want sex as much as I thought I wanted it because we put more quality into the sex that we were having," he says.

Tamica says she's even keeping a sex journal. "It kind of made us realize, as we went back through the journal, we discovered our love language for each other. And, you know, when he did things like he bought me flowers or he helped me with the girls. He helped me with soccer. You know, things like that, he got sex a whole lot in one week," she says. "In turn, I understood and realized what his love language was, and he just wants to be held. He wants to be touched. He needs physical affirmation."

So how do you reconnect with your partner if you don't have a trapeze available? Dr. Berman says to start with taking an honest look about the stories you're telling yourself about your partner. "Your brain is your main sexual organ," Dr. Berman says. "[Ask yourself], 'What are the stories I'm telling myself about my partner about whether they're going to step up. Whether they're going to take care of me. Whether they're worthy of me.' ... Start to really recognize those things yourself and then out them to your partner. That's a trust exercise."
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FROM: Sex Therapy 2: Fears, Fantasies, Faking It
Published on November 21, 2008

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