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Veronica in New York City wants to know how she can tell a man he's doing something wrong in bed—without squashing his ego.

Be sensitive and talk about it out of "the moment," Dr. Berman says. "I recommend talking about it outside the sexual encounter and to frame it in the positive," Dr. Berman says. "And then the next time you're in the bedroom, you show him. 'Remember I was telling you how much I like [that]? Here's how I like to be touched.' And so you sort of guide him a little bit. But you frame it in the positive. Never in the negative."

The worst thing women can do is to fake an orgasm. "The problem is that it sets up a lie in your relationship, and eventually you come to resent it," Dr. Berman says. "Men need to understand that women don't reach orgasm necessarily every time. That their orgasms vary in intensity. And while men find it very easy to reach orgasm and that's the end of the sexual encounter for them, women are a little bit different."
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FROM: Sex Therapy 2: Fears, Fantasies, Faking It
Published on November 21, 2008

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