Dr. Laura Berman and Oprah

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How can a couple who's been sexually disconnected for years reignite their love life? Dr. Berman recommends getting back to basics. "Consciously decide to take sex out of the equation for a little while," Dr. Berman says.

Dr. Berman recommends a technique called sensate focus to restore a couple's sexual connection. "Start by just touching each other. You both get undressed and you spend 10 minutes touching your partner front and back in a very sensual—not a massage, not a tickle—very sensual way. The person receiving the pleasure just focuses on what the sensations are. What feels good. What doesn't feel as good. The person giving the pleasure tries to communicate love and connection through touch."

Avoid touching any sexual organs for awhile, Dr. Berman says. "Take turns doing that to each other for a while and slowly work your way up into more explicit sexual behavior," she says.
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FROM: Sex Therapy 2: Fears, Fantasies, Faking It
Published on November 21, 2008

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