Step 2: Ask for What You Want
If your needs aren't being met in the bedroom, Dr. Berman says it's time to start talking about them. "So many women, first of all, don't even really fully understand their own bodies to know to ask for what they want," she says. "But even if they do know, they're cringing about verbalizing it to their partner or directing their partner in some way."
Dr. Berman says the conversation doesn't have to start outside the bedroom. "Talk to him in the bedroom with gentle, positive direction, not negative direction," she says.
Michele and Greg have reached a sex stalemate in their relationship. Married for 11 years, the couple says their once-hot sex life has cooled down—Michele says she can't even remember the last time they had sex. "I would say probably it ends up being about quarterly," she says.
In bed, Michele says she isn't comfortable telling Greg what turns her on. "He always goes, 'Tell me what you're thinking about,'" Michele says. "And nine times out of 10 I'm thinking about what I should be doing somewhere else."
Michele says she can't say what she wants him to do because she just doesn't have the words. "I honestly just feel like I don't know that language," she says. "I don't know how to speak French, and I don't know how to speak sex."