Is today's society relationship challenged? Rabbi Shmuley says there are two kinds of commitment phobia: the active, in which the person is aware of the issue, and the passive. "The latter reveals itself by dating the wrong person in the first place … thereby sabotaging the relationship before it even begins," he says. Rabbi Shmuley highlights red flags he says to look out for in a relationship:
He flirts overtly with women—even when you're with him—and says it's harmless.
He is someone who wants to be taken care of. He's looking for a mommy, or she's looking for a sugar daddy!
He tends to shut down and won't communicate.
She is jealous of time you spend with your friends or limits your access to your friends.
He has a terrible temper. He yells, doesn't apologize and blames you for it. He says he would stop if you wouldn't provoke him.
In order to avoid dealing with these red-flag situations, look for the following values in your significant other, he says:
Are you attracted to him?
Does she have a good heart?
Does he have the capacity to put other people before himself and empathize with another person's plight?
Does she share your core values? If not, does she at least harbor other fundamental core convictions?
Does he understand that a relationship is the ability for two people to cater the needs of each other (even if they do not understand each other)?
Today's Shmuleyism "Many people today are passive commitment-phobic. They date the wrong person at the outset, thereby sabotaging the relationship before it even begins. When it comes to choosing a spouse, attraction and compatibility are, of course, vital. But nothing is more important than good character."
Printed from Oprah.com on Wednesday, June 19, 2013