Is today's society relationship challenged? Rabbi Shmuley says there are two kinds of commitment phobia: the active, in which the person is aware of the issue, and the passive. "The latter reveals itself by dating the wrong person in the first place … thereby sabotaging the relationship before it even begins," he says.
Rabbi Shmuley highlights red flags he says to look out for in a relationship:
- He flirts overtly with women—even when you're with him—and says it's harmless.
- He is someone who wants to be taken care of. He's looking for a mommy, or she's looking for a sugar daddy!
- He tends to shut down and won't communicate.
- She is jealous of time you spend with your friends or limits your access to your friends.
- He has a terrible temper. He yells, doesn't apologize and blames you for it. He says he would stop if you wouldn't provoke him.
In order to avoid dealing with these red-flag situations, look for the following values in your significant other, he says:
- Are you attracted to him?
- Does she have a good heart?
- Does he have the capacity to put other people before himself and empathize with another person's plight?
- Does she share your core values? If not, does she at least harbor other fundamental core convictions?
- Does he understand that a relationship is the ability for two people to cater the needs of each other (even if they do not understand each other)?
"Many people today are passive commitment-phobic. They date the wrong person at the outset, thereby sabotaging the relationship before it even begins. When it comes to choosing a spouse, attraction and compatibility are, of course, vital. But nothing is more important than good character."