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Q: I'm a new mom. It's a little over a year now with a second one on the way in August. I can relate to the statement, "I didn't know I could hate my husband after kids." I know communication is one of the keys to a healthy relationship, but what if communicating gets you nowhere? It seems like it's the same thing over and over. Tiny example: I have two dogs, and when they go out when it's wet they wait by the door to get their paws dried with a rag, but my husband seems to constantly forget that I'm the one who cleans the house and cleans up after the dogs the baby and him. So what happens? He just lets them in like, "Go ahead and dirty the floors, even if Mommy just cleaned." I'm tired of repeating, and I don't want to hate my husband on some days. Any advice?
Vicki: I'm the mom who said she didn't know how very much I could hate my husband after having kids. I still hate him occasionally, but not as much as I did in the first couple of years of parenthood. (Though I did hate him briefly today.) Yes, it's true that I have to tell him things 900 times, and he still doesn't do them. And, yes, it's true that he can't seem to get home from work on time, ever. And, yes, it's true that even when he does the dishes after dinner, he always leaves something soaking in the sink that I have to wash the next morning. But, honestly? I the biggest problem is me...that I do everything. That I do 157 percent of what needs to get done without giving him a chance to. I take care of everything—the doctor's appointments and the paperwork for school and the lunch packing and everything else in the house, like making dinner and cleaning the fridge and taxes. (Keep in mind, I also work full-time.) So, I don't give him the chance to do stuff, then I am pissed that he doesn't do more. The more I give up and let him do things (on his time frame, which is the hardest part for me), the less often I hate him.
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Published on April 16, 2009
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