Learning to Apologize
Although some believe that saying sorry is an admission of guilt, frailty and imperfection, only people who really believe in themselves can say they're sorry, Rabbi Shmuley says. Others think that apologizing is an act of surrender, will change the dynamic of the relationship, means that you will have to do the "heavy lifting" in the relationship or will open yourself up to the possibility of further attack. Some would rather be right than be in a relationship.
However, Rabbi Shmuley offers these tips on how to learn to say you're sorry:
- Practice makes perfect. The more you do it, Rabbi Shmuley says, the more comfortable you become.
- Say it without any "but." What's worse than not apologizing is doing it with stipulations or limitations. "People will see your apology as insincere and that you won't be open-hearted to them," Rabbi Shmuley says.
- Don't wait too long to apologize. The longer you wait, the less your apology means. Rabbi Shmuley says it's important because it shows people that you want to deal with the situation, rather than retreat from it. "If you wait, too much damage may already be done," he says.
"Immature people always want to win an argument, even at the cost of a relationship. Mature people understand that it's always better to lose an argument and win a relationship."