For men, what's the difference between okay sex and great sex?
Well, it is about how the woman looks to the man. It's who he's with that makes the difference...Men do a very, very careful evaluation of physicality...Men look at beauty in terms of genetic loading for fertility and health, although we're not doing it consciously—because men almost never consciously want to have children. So it's things like facial symmetry and glowing skin, signs of good health and the ability to carry a child, that translate to attractiveness for a male. Very primitive stuff.
What about men in their 40s and over, for whom having children is less of an issue?
We still maintain that physical bias throughout life. But when the testosterone levels go down in the 40s, men become more interested in intimacy.
But women shouldn't worry about the actual mechanics. To men, the whole idea of good or better sex is laughable. Sex for us is like pizza, okay? You put anchovies on it, you put pineapple on it—all of it's good. Ultimately, what matters for him is that you're there, and that you'll do whatever particular things he's interested in. Also it matters that you're excited. Women are sometimes so busy worrying about what they can do to make sex great, they forget that what makes it great for the guy is to rock you. Admittedly, part of that great feeling for him is thinking that he's doing something to make you want to have sex with him again.
What about oral sex?
Guys say there's no such thing as a good blow job—just the fact that it's a blow job is good. But they want you to show love to the phallus because it's a reflection of them.
Do some men prefer receiving oral sex to having intercourse?
Yes. There is absolutely no science on this, but my sense from talking to callers on Loveline
is that those guys tend to be a little more narcissistic and tend to have been more neglected in childhood. True intimacy requires reciprocity, and these guys are not so into that.
Let's talk about porn, and men with wandering eyes. Should we just get over it?
These male habits are natural, unstoppable instincts. But we're not saying that's the way a man has to—or should—behave. And sometimes the only way he'll change his behavior is if the woman requires it.
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