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What is a good compromise? Here are some examples in action:

  • When one partner requests the other to attempt to be a little neater or more organized.
  • When one partner requests the other to take better care of their health and fitness.
  • When one partner requests the other try to be a more direct communicator and to speak up more often. When one partner requests the other to speak less and listen more.
Or, to sum up "good compromise" in a highly memorable movie line, it's when Jack Nicholson's character in As Good As It Gets says to Helen Hunt's character: "You make me want to be a better man."

Are you right now wondering whether a specific compromise request is a good compromise or bad compromise? If so, I want you take some time to quiet your mind and meditate on this question. Breathe in love, breathe out fear. Breathe in growth, breathe out stagnation.

Now ask yourself the following two questions:

1. Will this compromise request lead to someone compromising their authentic self—their purpose for being here and their spirit's fiery flame of passion? Is this compromise request trying to add far too much "obey" into that "love, honor and obey" relationship formula? If so, this is a bad compromise.

2. Will this compromise request help empower someone's authentic self in order to boost them to become a better man or woman (as Jack Nicholson's character so succinctly put it)? If so, this is a good compromise.

Thankfully, the old me is now happily involved in a "relationship of shared virtue" which only involves good compromise. So, if you haven't seen me in my favorite morning yoga class lately, please know that I only have myself to blame!

The good news is: The new old me is now getting older and wiser.

The bad news is: The new old me is getting older and wider as well!

Karen Salmansohn is a best-selling author known for creating self-help for people who wouldn't be caught dead reading self-help. Get more information on finding a loving, happier-ever-after relationship in her book Prince Harming Syndrome.

Have you ever made a compromise to please your partner? Share your thoughts with us below.


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