Finding a Soul Mate
Rabbi Shmuley says everyone looking for love should keep this in mind:
- Soul mates do exist. The reason why all people don't have soul mates is because when they're looking for love, they're following a checklist of what they want in someone else, Rabbi Shmuley says. Instead, he says people should make checklists of what they themselves lack. "A soul mate is not your double—it's rather someone who fills in the blanks," he says.
- A soul mate is someone with whom you never have to prove yourself. "There is an instantaneous sense of comfort—you begin to feel comfortable with all of your flaws because this person just accepts you," Rabbi Shmuley says. "They still love you for your virtue, but they accept you for your flaws as well."
- A soul mate is someone with whom you can be honest. "When you are around a soul mate, you feel this instantaneous need to confess—you want to share things that are utterly personal because you're are not afraid that you are going to be thrown out as a result," he says.
When distinguishing a soul mate from someone who is merely a partner, Rabbi Shmuley says you should use this soul mate checklist:
- Do I find this person attractive, am I drawn to them?
- Is this a good person with a good heart?
- Do I respect this person?
- Does this person love children?
- Does this person have the capacity to put others before him or herself? Can he or she empathize with another person's plight?
- Is this person charitable? Not just in pocket, but in person? Do they give of themselves to others?
- Is this person nonjudgmental?
- Does this person live for something other than the material and the transitory?
- Is this person humble and not arrogant?
- When he or she hurts you, are they forthcoming with an apology?
Once you find your soul mate, Rabbi Shmuley says you'll feel whole in many ways. "'Soul mate' simply means someone with whom you have a soulful connection," he says. "It's not purely physical, it's not even purely emotional—it's deeper than that. You just feel you are like one spirit, one soul."
"To find the perfect soul mate, focus not on what you have, but what you lack. By identifying that one big thing we are missing, we are guaranteed to find someone who makes us feel whole."