"I feel like the ugliest, most stupid person," Kim says. "I feel like the worst mother in the world. I feel like I don't deserve my children. I don't feel like I'm worthy of love by anybody."
"When I met him, I was happy," Kim says. "I got a good job. I worked for two years and then everything went downhill after I miscarried. I think I felt like a failure."
Eddie says that he did not believe that Kim was happy when she met him, and that she's always had self-esteem issues.
"I love you, Kim," Eddie says. "I'm sorry for hurting you and breaking your heart time and time again. I honestly didn't realize. Thank you for pointing it out to me."
Kim says she's leaving the show not completely convinced Eddie will change. "I want him to take me seriously that I won't put up with it anymore," Kim says. "If I see on the plane ride home or in the hotel that he's the same way, then I don't know how it can be fixed."
"First, [the woman] buys into what the guy is saying," Dr. Weitzman says. "She buys into [the emotional abuse], and it's like a systematic erosion of self-esteem. He says she's bad, and she says, 'I guess I am.' Ironically, that bonds them in some crazy kind of way. They both agree that it's her fault. There's the feeling of being ashamed and embarrassed, or maybe she's hooked on hope, as I call it. She's hoping he'll change so if she doesn't talk about it, maybe it will go away."
Oprah: What else would you do?
Chris: Everything that you can possibly think of, with the exception of hitting her. To an extent I think it would have been better if I had hit her… because she would have gotten over the bruises from that a lot quicker than from my actual words…I would not stop. She left the room, I followed. I would not stop until she cried.
Oprah: And the first time you're called [profane names], you felt what?
Loretta: Well, at first it was anger, you know? Because I wasn't used to something like that. I lashed back out…I started yelling at him. But as it went on—you just start taking it and sitting there and you become more and more [beaten down].
"After about the third or fourth week, something clicked; snapped," he says. "And I started to see myself and the pain that I was causing her or the pain that she was feeling. I started to feel that within myself. And that allowed me to start to change."
Kim says she doesn't believe that Eddie will change, and that she wants him to take her seriously.
"At certain times…I believed that [my wife] would leave me, but the more she said she would and didn't, it didn't become real until she did," Chris tells Kim. "If you want him to take you seriously, you have to take yourself seriously first. And then he will."
"A lot of the men will say, 'Oh, toughen up. Get a thicker skin. You're being too sensitive,'" Dr. Weitzman says. "And again they'll turn it on the woman and she'll say, 'Maybe, am I being too sensitive? Maybe it is my fault.' And that is part of the erosion of her self-esteem…. In other words, now she's doubting her own reality. Her own perceptions are up for grabs and she starts using him as her reality check.
"What's interesting is that the biggest predictor of what [type of] man will change is if there are consequences," Dr. Weitzman says. "If you don't give him any consequences, you really—not to blame you—you're helping to perpetuate it."