Q: My husband was physically abused as a child by his mother, and I think he may have been sexually abused by her too, although he has never admitted it.
I think he was sexually abused because there are certain sexual things he won't do with me, and he refuses to have conversations about our sex life.
Do you ever see relationships between a man and a woman work when a man has had that horrible of a relationship with his mother?
A: Your relationship can work, but the thing your relationship requires is for the two of you to be in counseling together and separately too. There are ways to get closure through therapy and to come to terms with things and to heal those wounds, and they are deep and fundamental and intense.
You are not necessarily going to convince him to admit something that he is not ready to admit—that is where is own individual therapy comes in. So, instead of focusing on "Was he or wasn't he sexually abused, and is he or isn't he dealing with this?" focus on "Am I getting what I want in this relationship? Is he working on the things, or what is getting in the way of us having the emotional intimacy and sex that I want?"