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Q: I just met a guy and went on a great first date, but during conversation it came up that he is a virgin. He is 29, good looking and very smooth and suave—I just can't believe he is a virgin! He says he made the choice in middle school to wait to have sex until marriage because he saw so many girls he knew who were emotionally hurt after sleeping with men who didn't really care about them.
I think the fact that he is a virgin is a big deal. I'm a very sexual person, and if it gets to the point where I want to get intimate with him, I don't feel like I can be the sexual vixen I want to be. Plus, I'm not sure I believe him! What should I do?
A: Beth, I've got a few alarm bells going off. While there is nothing wrong with a guy being a virgin, I just don't like his story or the "liar" vibe you are getting. I feel like his story about why he is virgin may have something to do with sexual repression. I would be concerned about how comfortable he is with his body, how comfortable he is with sexuality, how sensual, how exploratory and how willing he is to try new things.
Although, if he has been a virgin this long, he could be a master at what I call VENIS: Very Erotic Non-Insertive Sex. He could be pulling out the whipped cream and tying you up before you know it, and you'll be having a very sexual vixen, fun time. So, you may want to give him a chance and see how it feels. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
— Dr. Laura Berman