This is very hard for me to come out and say but I need your help. I was raped by a minister when I was 17 and it continued for 11 years. I got out of that by the grace of God and have been married an incredible man for 17 years now. It has not been the easiest with intimacy due to what happened in my past. I have gone through Dr. Phil's Pathways, which did so much for me, and have had many counseling sessions. I have come a long way but I still feel so ashamed, especially when it comes to any oral sex, even when my husband wants to go down there, because so much of the memories come up. We do have sex often but not as often as I know I should. I just need some advice that would help me break out of these chains. I look forward to hearing back from you!
I'm sorry for all you've been through and happy to hear that you have done so much work and so much healing. With sexual trauma and abuse, the sex life is often the final frontier of healing. Sure it may be that there is still some guilt about what happened. It also may bring back traumatic memories when you find yourself in a similar sexual situation that you had with your abuser. The bottom line is that this is totally OK and normal. The key to sexual healing is to reclaim your sex life. That may mean redefining it and maybe even not engaging in some behaviors that are too loaded. A good sex therapist can help you make sense of all of this too. Best of luck to you.
Published on November 04, 2008
As a reminder, always consult your doctor for medical advice and treatment before starting any program.