As a child I was sexually abused from first grade until seventh grade. I eventually overcame the effects of this, but I think I allow it to alter my sex drive. I do not want a guy to lust after me. I have been with the same guy for about 6 years and he complains that I never want to have sex and it makes our relationship difficult a lot of the time. Mostly though my life is overwhelmed, being a full-time mother of one very hyperactive 2-year-old. Because of the fact that my significant other doesn't do anything around the house to help alleviate everything being on me, I just am always tired and do not feel like being touched or anything by the time my head hits the bed. I want to make a change in my sexual relationship, some of it I know comes from what happend in the past even though it isn't an issue when we have sex. I just do not get anything out of it and I feel to tired and too stressed to do anything. I am only 24 and I do not feel attractive or that I deserve to feel good, and I just do not feel right when we have sex. I don't know if this is normal. I would imagine not, but I don't know any other way to explain it.
Believe me you are not alone. 30 percent of women have been sexually assaulted or abused and it takes a major toll on your life, your relationship and your sex life. It's so important to get into therapy to resolve the issues of pain, sadness, guilt, shame and anger. Carrying all of that around is not only toxic for your relationship, but for your spirit and your life. You can heal from sexual trauma and abuse. Find a good sex therapist. You can come to the Berman Center or you can find one in your area. Make sure they have experience dealing with sexual abuse recovery. In addition, you and your partner will need some couples therapy. The things you struggle with—feeling overwhelmed, not feeling like he is helping out or connected, being exhausted—are all very common complaints I hear from women. Couples therapy will help you get your relationship back on track and talk about your needs in a way he can understand and will respond to. I'll be thinking of you.
Published on November 04, 2008