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I'm 25 and have been married for 5 years. I "faked it" for years and finally came clean to my husband that I'd never had an orgasm. It's become a very frustrating part of our relationship. I'm so jealous of all the women who are trying to have this orgasm or that orgasm...I'd love to have any orgasm!
— katie1217
 

OK. Let's talk about orgasms a little bit. 

First of all, for those of you trying to get from clitoral orgasms to G-spot orgasms, let me first say that orgasms are great no matter how you get them, and they differ in intensity from day to day, position to position, etc. If you are one of those many women who find it easier to have an orgasm through manual or oral stimulation, don't worry. That's completely normal because the clitoris is the easiest way to reach orgasm. Love it and appreciate it. It's not a dysfunction that this is how you get there. It's completely normal.

If you do want to explore G-spot orgasm and/or orgasm during intercourse. First and foremost experiment with your fingers as I described in the show. During sex, try positions that allow for maximum clitoral stimulation. Many of these are outlined in my new book, Real Sex for Real Women, complete with illustrations.

Now let's talk vibrators. Definitely try these out because this is the best and easiest way to reach orgasm during intercourse. Most partners are thrilled to play with something new in the bedroom. You can try a G-spot vibrator that you can use on your own to start figuring it all out and experiencing a vaginal orgasm, or a clitoral vibrator that is small enough to fit in between the two of you during intercourse. Finally, you want to work work work those kegels and the trasverse abdominals. Maybe even use a kegel exerciser. There are lots of devices like these out there, and I have several in my line of sexual aids and devices, called Berman Basics. For instance, the "athena" is a great little cylindrical external vibrator you can use during intercourse. The "Adonis" is a great g-spot stimulator that actually provides g-spot and clitoral stimulation at the same time. The "Juno" or "Isis" are two great kegel exercisers in the line as well. 

Finally, let's discuss faking it. Bad idea! I know, I know. I call it the "mercy fake" cause he's trying so hard and you know you aren't going to get there and he says "all the other women he's been with have been able to." But the reason all the other women have been able to is because around 70% of them were faking. That's the average stat on the number of women who admit they have faked orgasm. The bottom line is that you are doing yourself a disservice. At first it might be easier, but eventually you come to resent it. And then when you want to do something about it and you tell him your relationship goes into crisis as he wonders what else you've lied to him about and wallows in humiliation! If you have been faking it, just tell him that you feel that your sexual response right now isn't what it could be and that you want to work on it and try some new things. If you feel compelled to tell, make sure you have a therapist lined up to help heal the relationship afterward. Big trust issue! 

Phew! I think that covers the clitoral/G-spot/faking it questions! Did I forget anything?
FROM: Behind Closed Doors: Sex Therapy
Published on November 04, 2008
As a reminder, always consult your doctor for medical advice and treatment before starting any program.

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