I was a virgin when I got married and did not have the experience I expected. I believe I have a lack of interest because I went almost 30 years without sex and my body just adjusted. I want to be with my husband and feel sexual towards him but that is not the case and I like you feel like it isn't always worth all of the trouble that comes afterwards.
To all of you who have written in with struggles having been virgins until marriage. It's not easy. First of all, in order to remain a virgin that long in our world you have to have shut down some part of your sexual self. In addition, many of you were likely raised in earlier life to believe that sex was wrong, sinful or dirty. That sexual light switch was taped down in the off position. But then, when you are married, you are suddenly supposed to be able to turn that light switch on and that's not always so easy! In addition, if you haven't had lots of sexual experience, it can be hard to figure out what works and what to do, especially if you are both rather inexperienced. Finally, I do sometimes hear from people who found, when they finally did have sex on their wedding night, that the chemistry just wasn't what they imagined it would be. The answer? Therapy. A good therapist can help both of you work together to build an exciting and rewarding sex life. It's a process, but definitely doable.