Tvlr000, thanks for writing. So many women share your struggle with that post-partum low libido. You've got the exhaustion, crazy stress, juggling, relationship adjustments and hormonal changes, especially since you are in your 40s. Many women experience post-partum androgen deficiency syndrome where their testosterone levels drop after having a baby (or two) and then don't recover. So definitely get your total and free testosterone checked and get off any hormonal contraceptives you are on. Those will do a number on your libido as well.
Beyond the medical it does seem that you and your husband could use a jump start to get back on the same page and to help stimulate the passion again. This is where sex therapy comes in. You are more than welcome to come to the Berman Center. Just check out our website. We have intensive retreats where couples come from all over the country for 3-5 days and leave their lives behind to focus on their relationship. This would be a great program for you. If you can't make the trip to Chicago you should definitely find someone in your own community who can work with you. The sooner the better so that this issue won't take more of a toll on your relationship. Good luck!