Nic admits that although he wasn't thinking clearly during his addiction, he wasn't completely blind to the burden he put on his family. "There was a little piece of me deep down that knew what I was doing was really tearing my family apart, but I didn't want to see that," he says. "I think that's part of the reason that I kept using drugs—to blot out that pain."
Nic says he realizes he started abusing drugs to avoid seeing his true self. "I felt like if I looked inside of myself, I would see that I was just this ugly, disgusting, worthless person. I was so scared of that, I started drinking and using so that I could escape," he says. "It's so stupid. I don't know what I was running from that whole time."