First I told my husband, and then I broke the news to my boys. I was seeing someone else: Dr. Ozfysrtvtybfrxrttx
. Of course, I love my husband and my kids, but I needed another man in my life. Especially one who doesn't require dinner prepared by me.
Oh, I've known Dr. Oz for a long time, so the relationship is not that out-of-the-blue. First came the guest appearances, and then the books, followed by the radio show and, now, the daily TV show. But, I recently deepened the bond: I put The Dr. Oz Show
on our DVR list in the number one position. Nobody trumps Dr. Oz, not even NCIS
. Though my family was a bit surprised, they understood.
I need Dr. Oz.
Those 15 pounds that I'd put on over the last three years, thanks to schedule, stress and snack foods, were refusing to come off, despite my pleas and half-hearted attempts at eating less and exercising more. Apparently, no amount of wishing can make the weight go away. So I turned to the man I respect as much as Bono: Dr. Oz. I needed his excellent health advice about automating meals, walking like a madwoman and drinking water every day.
So now, every afternoon while I "date" my main doc by watching his show and doing the funny-looking arms flaps he recommends, my tween and teen sons are left to fend for themselves in the kitchen, satisfying their giant appetites with the healthy food choices I have left in plain sight. Sure, the boys miss me standing by the panini maker, cheddar cheese in hand. But, I think they get it. "It's my Dr. Oz time," I explain. They nod and eat nonfat Greek yogurt.
My husband of 17 years, ever the good sport, has adjusted to the whole grains, the vats of green tea and the turmeric on everything I cook. Even he conceded, while watching my doc explain the function of the liver, "He's a good lookin' guy."
I know, honey, I know.
Like all relationships, the intensity will burn off, hopefully like my belly fat. But, the lessons will remain. Just this morning, as I was preparing my breakfast of cereal, blueberries, cinnamon and one of Dr. Oz's secret fave ingredients, my son said, "Is that flaxseed?"
Yes, but how did you know?
"Dr. Oz, Mom."
Lian Dolan is a mother, wife, sister, friend, daughter, writer and talk show host. She writes and talks about her adventures in modern motherhood for her website, ChaosChronicles.com, and her weekly podcast, The Chaos Chronicles.
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