To find a man, you have to know how they hink. To figure that out, Gayle King turned to Steve Santagati, author of The Manual, for help.
Looks Can Kill
No woman wants to hear this, but looks are important to guys, Steve says. "You miss opportunities if you're not done every time you leave the house—every time you leave the house. It's the rule that's in place, whether you like it or not—guys are visual."
Hone Your Skills
While some women focus their attention and skills on their jobs and hobbies, they think that finding a man is just going to happen, Steve says. Women should think of flirting as a skill, too. "Like being a lawyer, playing tennis, you have to practice and get good at it," he says.
Dealing with Rejection
Fear of getting burned leaves some men afraid to approach women. Steve says this is a perfect opportunity for women to make a move. "If you approach us subtly and talk about something great, we'll say, 'She's interesting and friendly,'" he says.
Steve says when you enter a room you should be talking to yourself, saying, "I can have anyone in this room." "Guys pick up on that," he says. "Practice faking it if you don't feel it. ... It changes everything."
Cell Phone Intimidation
Could your cell phone be putting out bad vibes? "Women are always on the cell phone when they're alone in public. So what does that say to the man? 'Wow, she's hot, but she won't shut up,'" Steve says. "And he can't approach you because you're talking to someone else!"
Text Messaging Manners
Don't let a man ask you out with a text message. "Make him call you. Tell him, 'Act like a guy and call me and ask me out. Be a gentleman.'"
The Sporting Life
It sounds obvious, but if you want to meet a guy, go where they are. And where are guys? Wherever there are sports! "Sporting clubs, fishing, golfing, volleyball. It's double duty—having fun and meeting men," Steve says. The best part? Your odds will be good because there won't be many other women around.
Steve says there are a few surefire things a woman can do that will drive any man away. One is if she seems desperate for kids. "If she stares at baby carriages or makes comments, that sends a message she's desperate for kids. And that makes guys run," he says. A second is bitterness. "We all have baggage, but don't bring it to your first date. Leave it at home. Go on a date with a fresh start and open mind." A third is selfishness. "Say, 'Thank you,' when he buys you dinner or does something nice."
Printed from Oprah.com on Wednesday, March 12, 2014
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