M. Gary Neuman, Jim, Daisy, Kris and Oprah

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What can Kris and Daisy's dad, Jim, do to help them through this rough time?

"First of all, understand that when you see all this sadness, we shouldn't be depressed about it," Gary says. "We should be upset if they don't express this. That's what it's all about here. If he doesn't get this out, if they don't do this, imagine how numb and what has to happen to them internally."

Gary says there's no specific script to follow when talking to your kids about divorce. "What we have to remember is that we heal through loving connection. That's the magic of being human," he says. "So the most important thing is to take the pressure off of yourself as a parent to say just the right words. It's the feeling. It's looking at these kids and saying, 'Gosh, I know it hurts. It makes sense that it's sad. And I wish I could do something different. But we're a family and we're going to get through this and you can tell Dad.'"

Jim says he's told Daisy and Kris that they can talk to him about anything, but he had never seen Kris react like he did with Gary. "You bring up a great point that many parents say, 'Well, I said to my kid, if you ever have a problem, just come find me; come talk to me.' That's too intense," Gary says. "When do kids talk the most? They talk the most when we're having a catch, you know, cooking dinner together. Taking a drive together. Get back to just spending some quiet time. Get the earphones out and get the cell phone away. And just spend that time with your kid and they'll talk."
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FROM: Children of Divorce Reveal Their Secret Thoughts
Published on January 01, 2006

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