Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Mark explains that the photo Katherine found was evidence of cybersex, where he would create fake online profiles and engage in sexually explicit messages with strangers. "I didn't want any physical contact, [and] I didn't want anybody to know who I was," he says. "I would play the game, I call it a game I guess, and engage in questioning—which eventually led to cybersex."

Mark says he started cybersex relationships in college, long before technology like webcams and audio. "In talking to Gary, it was kind of an epiphany moment of mine when we were talking about my relationship and the fact that I really don't have relationships with any of the others in my life. And I don't have much for friends, and so Gary was keen to point out that [I] have an issue with relationships. And it got me thinking a lot about my behavior and why I would do this."

Gary says Mark's cybersex was not significantly different from having an affair. "It's not just about having sex; it's about emotional attachments. It's about showing your private self to others. It's about going to another person for what you should be holding personal for your wife," he says. "And continuing to put your energy somewhere else draws you that much more away and [makes it] harder to get back to your spouse."