David and Patti

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The number one reason men cheat isn't about the sex—it's about seeking an emotional connection, Gary says. That's why audience member David says he cheated on Patti, his wife of 16 years.

David says something clicked as he watched the first cheating show with Gary. "I heard you talking, and all the questions that she has of me as to why, every answer I gave her didn't seem to resonate or register and it just kind of triggered more questions ... All of a sudden, I'm watching this and I'm going, 'Oh, my gosh. That's it,'" David says.

David says he called Patti and told her to turn on the show, but she says Gary's advice only made her feel worse because her husband had already cheated. "It is what it is, and it hurts," she says. "I felt sick. I felt like I was already wearing this heavy cloak and you just poured water on it, and I just felt like I was already down and that beat me up a little bit more."

"That's understandable," Gary says. "And you can change it, though, going forward. You don't have to feel powerless and feel like you're going to be victimized again by having a closer connection. He's got a lot to do, a lot of responsibility to make tremendous change for you to even consider making yourself vulnerable to him again. But if he can do that, then you can meet him and you can blend together and create a relationship much better than you ever had before."
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FROM: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Why Men Cheat Part 2
Published on December 31, 2008

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