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Gary says the information and advice he's offering is aimed at prevention. Once vows and hearts have been broken, Gary says honesty is the key to rebuilding trust. "In order to go forward and trust yourself to him, to be vulnerable to him, you have to find out what's happened so that you're looking forward and you can see where it could be happening again," he says. "That's a must. So he has to come clean and tell you all those details."

Patti says she needs more information from David before she can let her guard down again. "I don't think that trust can be regained just by showing me his flight itinerary now. I think he has to go back, and there's a bunch of gaps that I need to have filled in," she says. "I read an article where somebody said, 'Where there is mystery, your mind goes to the darkest places.'"

Gary says David needs to fill in the gaps on his own accord and express sincere sadness and remorse. Sexual details, however, are better left unsaid. "I know people obviously, instinctually want to know about it, but it never helps. It just makes it harder for you to get past that image," Gary says. "But, 'Do you love her? Are you still in contact with her?'...all that has to be explored. You have to get the right answers to that."

Did Gary let the men off the hook again? The conversation continues exclusively online. Watch the After the Show video. Watch

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FROM: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Why Men Cheat Part 2
Published on December 31, 2008


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