With the amount of dating time before marriage, televisions in the bedroom and addictions to work, marriage is becoming increasingly boring and is losing its thrill, Rabbi Shmuley says. Because of this boredom, spouses tend to develop attractions to a stranger, co-worker, therapist, doctor or gym instructor—anyone who pays attention to them and makes things exciting.
For most people, these attractions are not serious, but Rabbi Shmuley says there can
be real danger. He offers these questions to ask yourself to assess your situation:
- Are you thinking about your crush a lot?
- Do you find yourself looking for reasons to go and see him or to call him up?
- Are you comparing your spouse to him?
- Do you find yourself bringing him up gratuitously in conversation?
If you feel the attraction is becoming more serious, Rabbi Shmuley says to let it wane, as to not cause an unnecessary crisis. Also, be sure to minimize your interaction with that person, he says, and remove the person's phone number from your speed dial.
If you find this impossible, Rabbi Shmuley says to tell your spouse that you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship with someone else. "Tell them you want to cool things down and need their help," he says. "You made a decision, and you regret it."
Also, talk with your spouse about what you will do to grow closer to him or her and improve your relationship, Rabbi Shmuley says. If your attraction is at work, be sure to leave your job and find work elsewhere. Lastly, Rabbi Shmuley says to cut off all communication with the person in question. "This is an all-or-nothing sum game," he says.
"What often begins as a harmless attraction to a stranger can end up a full-blown affair in your marriage. Avert this by keeping things professional. Working with a colleague need not mean you go together for lunch. And once you find yourself thinking about them always, it might be time to find a new job."