Addressing Relationship Issues
My 20-year-old nephew has been kicked out of college and served time. I'm really concerned about what path his life is going to take. Can something be done?
Pick up the phone and just touch base and apologize for not having been in touch for awhile, Rabbi Shmuley says. Start building a relationship with him. After a few weeks, make an effort to get out there and see him. "You may be more influential than his parents because with his parents, it's probably already a rancid relationship filled with guilt and harsh feelings on both sides," he says. "If you build a relationship and then give him a vision of what he could be, I think you could have a great impact."
My husband acts like he hates me: We don't sleep in the same bed, he doesn't talk to me, and if I touch him, he pulls away. What should I do?
Your husband is angry about something, and you are probably only a small part of his anger, Rabbi Shmuley says. He's probably angry at life, and the reason he takes it out on you is that you'll take it. "It's quite remarkable that we treat the people that we're closest to in the worst way because they'll put up with it," he says.
Rabbi Shmuley says to go out for a drink or dinner with him and let him know that you're willing to change, but he seems to be angry. Then, start suggesting things that might be bothering him. "No matter what the explanation is, he can't take it out on you, and you can't take it," Rabbi Shmuley says. "Simply make it clear to him that you did not get married to live in this kind of marriage. Be patient, but be persistent."
My daughter is 8 years old. She's the oldest of four, and I think she needs to set an example. I nitpick at her; I'm constantly riding her. I must have anger toward her, right?
"Your daughter is disrespectful and is not responsible, and that's something to be concerned about," Rabbi Shmuley says. It's not something to cause anger. Wipe the slate clean and start over, he says. You should apologize and tell her that you love her. Then, start talking to her on a regular basis. "If you're angry at her, you'll make her into a very angry girl," Rabbi Shmuley says. "Stop taking it so personally."
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