Sometimes we are so concerned and analytical about whether someone is a good match that we ignore how we actually feel about the people we spend time with. Are you annoyed? Intrigued? Bored? Inspired? Be present on your next date and see how you feel. Now.
There is nothing sexier than a woman who loves life and knows what she is passionate about! When you start dating new people, resist the urge to complain about how your ex hurt you or how much you hate your job. Plain and simple—positivity attracts and will also make dating more enjoyable.
Get Over an Ex Who Is Haunting You
Find yourself comparing every date to the guy who broke your heart? Write an uninhibited angry letter (just make sure not to send the draft!), process your feelings with a friend or a therapist and do what you must do to find closure so you're not bringing all the baggage from your previous relationship into a potentially great new relationship. As much as you can, turn any regrets and hurt feelings into lessons so you can become clearer on what you want, need and deserve in a partnership.
Be Your Best Self
How many times have you cried over the person you're dating? How often do you find yourself frustrated? How many hours do you spend hours analyzing him and your relationship? In a relationship that is not healthy, you may not even recognize yourself. I promise that your best self is not someone who feels unstable, confused or insecure in a relationship. Finding a good match is not just about who the guy is, but who you are with him.
Think about what you are like on vacation. One of my clients says that she prefers the "Costa Rica Rebecca" version of herself. When you're on vacation, you're generally open to meeting people, having fun and experiencing new things without worry or anxiety about where it will lead or how you will feel tomorrow. This is the spirit I encourage you to embrace when you meet someone new.
In 2010, make a resolution to have fun in your dating pursuits! Dating is a great opportunity to step out of your comfort zone, try new things and meet new people, and it has a potentially wonderful payoff.
Why stop at 10 resolutions? What are some other love resolutions that you will carry into the new year?
Andrea Syrtash is a dating and relationship expert, advice columnist and author. Her new book,He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing), will be published in April 2010. For more information, visit www.andreasyrtash.com.
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