"Cohousing" is one answer. It's a form of group housing much like a '60s commune, but yuppie-style. These are condo-style developments built around a "common area" with kitchen, dining, laundry, exercise, and children's playroom facilities. Cohousing communities are typically designed to resemble old-fashioned neighborhoods. Members get together often to share meals, socialize, and handle the ordinary stuff of daily living although they live in individual units.

"Intentional community" is an inclusive term for ecovillages, cohousing, residential land trusts, communes, student co-ops, farms, urban housing cooperatives, and other projects. Intentional communities can be found all over the U.S. and Europe, their growth spurred by the Internet. Typically, community members jointly own land that has multiple dwellings. Frequently, members share a common bond—a religious, political, or social philosophy that brings them together.

Ethan Watters was single, in his 30s, and living alone in San Francisco when he coined the concept of "urban tribes." Most single people belong to at least one such tribe even though they don't realize it. A vegetarian dining group, a hiking club, or a running group could qualify as an urban tribe if they meet frequently enough, says Watters, author of the book Urban Tribes.

"Urban tribes form in a vacuum," Watters tells WebMD. "Our generation has not joined the traditional social organizations our parents did, the churches and civic groups. We don't stay in our jobs as long. That leads to a social vacuum, and humans don't do well in a social vacuum. Something will fill it. That's where Thanksgiving dinners started out as stopgap measure, then 10 years later, we realize these friends have become our family."

While Watters was figuring out his life in San Francisco, "my mother was leading a very parallel life. She was in her 70s, living entirely in this group of friends, and they did everything a family would do. She had a very fulfilling life," he says. Retired people have long formed these types of communities. It's people younger than 65 who are new to the concept, he says.

"Single women have helped provide the momentum for urban tribes," Watters tells WebMD. "The key thing is ritual…the Tuesday night potluck dinner, so everyone can get together regularly. But you have to realize an urban tribe is an ephemeral thing, it changes. People leave, others come in. It's a very informal contract you make with your friends. But it never has a sense of reciprocity. It's about giving genuinely and freely."

Reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, MD, on February 7, 2005.

SOURCES: Bella M. DePaulo, PhD, social psychologist, University of California, Santa Barbara; author, Singled Out. Pepper Schwartz, PhD, professor of sociology, psychiatry, and behavioral medicine, University of Washington, Seattle. Ethan Watters, author, Urban Tribes. Fellowship for Intentional Community. Cohousing Association of the United States.

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