There's one more facet to this vitally important action called Minimal Effective Response (MER). The key with which you unlock your emotional prison and set yourself free may be forgiveness. Initially, forgiveness might be very hard for you, because you probably feel that it demonstrates weakness rather than strength. I submit to you that this powerful human act does anything but, and it may be absolutely essential in order for you to make positive change.

Let's be clear by what I mean when I use the word forgiveness: I'm talking about something that happens entirely within you. Forgiveness is a choice you make to release yourself from anger, hatred and resentment. I'm not saying that the choice is easy, only that it is necessary. You should also know I'm in no way asking you to take the position that whatever may have happened to you is now okay. Forgiveness is not a feeling that you passively wait to come over you. It is a choice you make.

By not forgiving your wrongdoers, you allow them to lock you back into your prison, and they win. You see: Forgiveness of those who have transgressed against you is not about them. It's about you.

If you're unsure how to forgive, let me help give you a voice. You might say to yourself, "I am making a choice to forgive you. By doing so, I free myself from the bond I had with you through hatred, anger, resentment or fear. I take back my power and gain the freedom that only forgiveness can bring. You cannot hurt me and you cannot control me. I forgive for myself."  

Rethink Weight Loss
Regaining control of your feelings is not only the key to losing weight, but also to your overall well-being. These seven steps will show you how to do it!

• The Ultimate Weight-Loss Solution
• Step 1: Take Ownership of Your Reactions
• Step 2: Resolve Life's Problems
• Step 3: Decelerate Your Thinking
• Step 4: Challenge Your Thoughts
• Step 5: Gain Closure
• Step 7: Cope Without Food

From the October 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine