Sandra and I began to see that remaining overweight insulated her from the opposite sex. Every time she would lose weight and receive compliments from men, she'd panic and gain it back. I asked Sandra to slow her thoughts down, relax, and recall the painful incidents with her uncle, and to tell me what messages were going through her head. With practice she started listening to what had become automatic, internal statements. She was shocked by what she'd been telling herself: "I'm dirty. I'm disgusting. I'm just another piece of garbage on the heap that no man would want for anything other than sex. I'm afraid and ashamed of intimacy. I need my weight as a place to hide." With jolting clarity, Sandra realized that her unhealed feelings had held her prisoner. As long as she needed that weight, no diet would ever be able to take it away from her.

How about you? Do you need weight as a coping mechanism? Are you sabotaging yourself for some unapparent reason? You must go through the same process in which I guided Sandra. Slow your thoughts down, and listen attentively. Trust me; you did tell yourself something if you now feel angry, mad, anxious, frustrated, sad or depressed. From now on, whenever you get upset, listen ever so carefully to what you're telling yourself. Be sure to write your thoughts down. This helps you appraise them more objectively and allows you to get some perspective.

Rethink Weight Loss  
Regaining control of your feelings is not only the key to losing weight, but also to your overall well-being. These seven steps will show you how to do it!

• The Ultimate Weight-Loss Solution
• Step 2: Resolve Life's Problems
• Step 4: Challenge Your Thoughts
• Step 5: Gain Closure
• Step 6: Learn to Forgive
• Step 7: Cope Without Food

From the October 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine