Dr. Robin Smith was a bestselling author, regular expert on The Oprah Winfrey Show and an in-demand speaker. On the outside, her life seemed perfect. On the inside, she now reveals in her new book Hungry, she says a devastating series of setbacks left her starving emotionally and spiritually. In this piece from Dr. Robin, she reveals what she was really hungry for after losing so much—including herself.

Read on, then tune in Sunday for Oprah's all-new interview with Dr. Robin. You can watch on OWN or online at 11 a.m. ET/PT.

By Dr. Robin L. Smith

"No one is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow." — Alice Walker

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." — Anaïs Nin

We hear about identity theft and think of our passports, driver's licenses or credit cards being stolen and the huge amount of time it takes to clean up the mess of reclaiming our stolen identity. What is far more costly in every way is when the soul's identity has been stripped and ripped away—some of us know when it happens, but for the most part, the theft is more subtle, unapologetically destructive and damaging to our lives.

These core soul questions can help us know if we've lost this key part of ourselves:
•    When was the last time the real you was seen?
•    When was the last sighting of you? Who saw you and how long ago?
•    When was the last time YOU saw the real you?

Answering these questions, some people realize they've lost a sense of who they are and who they are meant to be. In my book Hungry, I share a story of a rabbi who is questioned by his students about what we will be asked in the afterlife. His response is powerful and says it all: We won't be asked why we weren't Moses, Mother Teresa, our high-achieving sister or anyone else; we will be asked, "Why weren't you YOU."


All of us are invited to go on the adventure of finding the lost, stolen, broken, joyful, loving, innocent, shattered, fractured parts of ourselves and learn to listen to the pure truth of the only voice that counts, our own. People worry that their voices aren't trustworthy—and when driven by external voices, they're not—but when we are still and quiet, the buried voice that once felt like a stranger becomes our best and trusted friend. It doesn't lie, it doesn't hide, and it doesn't get things wrong...but if it does, it quickly autocorrects into the lane of truth again. I've learned that if I listen and am still enough, my true voice always meets me there, right where I am.

Our entire lives are spent in search of our true and authentic selves, the people we were born to be, the divine creations not made with human hands, but crafted and created in the dark and light, the cracks and crevices, the highways and byways of the womb of God, where we were birthed into what we call humanity, the blessing and burden, the gift and grief, the grace and grievances of being fully human. Betrayal by another person is devastating, but the unlivable grief and greatest betrayal is when we cheat on ourselves.

When we are disconnected from that voice, we are left longing for something we can't quite identify. This hunger isn't about food, but the craving to reclaim and embrace our true identities. It's not about working a plan or program. It is about signing up to be a witness to our own lives and journeys as the main characters in our own stories, where we embrace life and our unique path. It's about learning how to live the only life we can live with truth, integrity, inspiration, liberation, grace, compassion and power—our own. If you are alive, you are Hungry. The question isn't whether we're Hungry; the question is whether we will attend to and care for our hunger pain and longings and stop ignoring, denying, shaming and blaming ourselves for being fully alive.

When I stopped to catalog what I really wanted in my life—what I call my Hungry Litany—it looked something like this:
I'm hungry for real love—not crumbs I try to call a meal.
I'm hungry for relationships where respect is the cornerstone of the connection.
I'm hungry to be in relationships that don't require me to dim my bright light in order to be offered a seat at the table.
I'm hungry to have my gift and talents truly appreciated by those I work with. I'm hungry not to need to dumb myself down so that others feel smart.
I'm hungry to be beautiful and sexy and not a Barbie doll for a man.
I'm hungry to have a partner who doesn't feel like a predator.
I'm hungry for passion and great sex that is worthy of my mind, body and spirit.
I'm hungry not to have to play small when my spirit and dreams are big.
I'm hungry to be brave and not let fear drive my life.
I'm hungry for an undivided self, soul, life, love and relationship.
I'm hungry to know I am loved and am irrevocably a child of God.
I'm hungry to be me.

If you're feeling that something is missing—maybe that something missing is you—I would encourage you to write your own Hunger Litany. How would yours begin?

 I'm hungry for _______________________
I'm hungry for _______________________
I'm hungry for _______________________
I'm hungry for _______________________

I believe this exercise will help lead you to your most satisfying meal, a banquet worth attending, where you can unapologetically and without hesitation or constraint love again the stranger who was yourself.

Dr. Robin L. Smith is an ordained minister, a television and radio personality, and the number one best-selling author of Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages and the popular Inspirational Vitamins: A Guide to Personal Empowerment. Her latest book, Hungry: The Truth About Being Full, was released in February 2013. In addition, she is a keynote speaker and licensed psychologist. Dr. Robin's advice has appeared in several national publications. She has contributed to "Super Soul Sunday," The Oprah Winfrey Show, Anderson, Larry King Live, Today, Good Morning America, Fox News Channel and many other news and talk show formats, including The Tom Joyner Morning Show and The Michael Baisden Show. She earned her doctorate in counseling psychology from Temple University, her master's degree from Eastern Baptist Theological Seminary and her bachelor's degree from La Salle University.