Super Soul Sunday
Sundays at 11 a.m. ET/PT
Posted: Fri 05/03/2013 12:00 AM
In her book, Daring Greatly, Dr. Brown shares a wholehearted parenting manifesto that moves Oprah to tears in their all-new interview this Sunday. (Watch on OWN or online at 11 a.m. ET/PT.) Whether you're a parent—or hope to be one day—read this declaration of love and take charge of the energy you're bringing to the ones you love most.
Then, click here to print a copy for your home or to share with others!
The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto
Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and loveable.
You will learn this from my words and actions—the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.
I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness.
You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.
We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.
We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.
You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends, and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.
I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.
I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.
When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.
Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.
We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.
As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.
I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly, deeply, seeing you.
Reprinted from Daring Greatly by Brené Brown by arrangement with Gotham Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc., Copyright (c) 2012.
Posted: Wed 05/01/2013 12:00 AM
Photo: Danny Clark
As unique as we all are, an awful lot of us want the same things. We want to shake up our current less-than-fulfilling lives. We want to be happier, more loving, forgiving and connected with the people around us. So...we make decisions ("I'm going to hang out with happy people!"); we give ourselves lectures ("If you'd just stop feeling guilty, you'd able to do what you want); and we strive for markers of that accomplishment ("Just go to the completely intimidating party and meet one person!").
Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly and research professor at the University of Houston, has spent the last 12 years figuring out what keeps us from living—despite our best efforts—the kind of wholehearted, fully involved existences that we're trying to lead. It turns out that a lot of the assumptions we hold so dear and we believe will turn around everything are...well...just plain wrong.
Read on to find out why! Then, tune in Sunday at 11 a.m. ET/PT for her all-new interview with Oprah. Watch only on OWN.
1. Fitting In Is Not Belonging
There are so many terms we use every day whose meanings are gauzy, if not downright imprecise—which makes it hard to get your head around what's really going on in your life. For example, contrary to what most of us think: Belonging is not fitting in. In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I've discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else entirely—it's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are—love of gourd painting, intense fear of public speaking and all.
Many us suffer from this split between who we are and who we present to the world in order to be accepted, (Take it from me: I'm an expert fitter-inner!) But we're not letting ourselves be known, and this kind of incongruent living is soul-sucking.
In my research, I've interviewed a lot of people who never fit in, who are what you might call "different": scientists, artists, thinkers. And if you drop down deep into their work and who they are, there is a tremendous amount of self-acceptance. Some of them have to scrap for it, like the rest of us, but most are like this neurophysicist I met who, essentially, told me, "My parents didn't care that I wasn't on the football team, and my parents didn't care that I was awkward and geeky. I was in a group of kids at school who translated books into the Klingon language. And my parents were like, ‘Awesome!' They took me to the Star Trek convention!" He got his sense of belonging from his parents' sense of belonging, and even if we don't get that from Mom and Dad, we have to create it for ourselves as adults—or we will always feel as if we're standing outside of the big human party.
The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don't have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for the worthiness we already possess.
Posted: Mon 04/29/2013 12:00 AM
For the past 12 years, Dr. Brené Brown has studied vulnerability, worthiness, shame and courage as a professor at the University of Houston's Graduate College of Social Work. At the 2010 TEDx talk in Houston, she opened up about her own vulnerabilities and her quest to better understand herself. Her story of personal discovery resonated with people beyond those in attendance, garnering more than 7 million views on TED.com. (Watch it here.)
Last week, Dr. Brown revealed why a perceived weakness like vulnerability is really our greatest strength. Now, she's back and delving even deeper. This Sunday, find out how to stop shame in its tracks and learn more about living a wholehearted life.
Tune in for the second part of Oprah's interview with Dr. Brown Sunday at noon p.m. ET/PT only on OWN.
Posted: Sun 03/24/2013 02:00 PM
Shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown says shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It's the most primitive human emotion we all feel—and the one no one wants to talk about. If left to its own devices, Dr. Brown says, shame can destroy lives.
Watch as she reveals the three things shame requires to grow and the one thing that can stop shame in its tracks:
Dr. Brown says shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, eating disorders, violence, bullying and aggression. Guilt, however, is not. Find out why she says there's such a big difference between shame and guilt. Plus, watch as she reveals how she talks to herself when feeling shame, and get the one surefire way to pull yourself out of a shame spiral:
When something shameful happens in your life, Dr. Brown says, there are six types of people with whom you shouldn't share the story. Watch to find out who they are. Plus, hear why she says everyone needs just one "move-the-body friend":
Stopping shame cycles can start from childhood—even though Dr. Brown says shame is the number one classroom management tool in schools of every kind in this country. Find out what Dr. Brown wants all parents to know about shame, humiliation and name-calling:
Posted: Fri 03/22/2013 08:00 AM
Finally! A guide to surviving. Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, shows us how to find a way free from the destructive voices in our heads.
You're in it. That warm wash of "not good enough" has taken over. It doesn't matter how you get into shame; the trick is getting out. In one piece. Without sacrificing your authenticity. As a shame researcher, I know that the very best thing to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally counterintuitive: Practice courage and reach out!
But here's the tricky part about sharing your story: You can't call just anyone. If you share your shame story with the wrong person, he or she can easily become one more piece of flying debris in your already dangerous shame storm. We want solid connection in a situation like this—something akin to a sturdy tree firmly planted in the ground. We definitely want to avoid the following:
1. The friend who hears the story and actually feels shame for you. She gasps and confirms how horrified you should be. Then there is awkward silence. Then you have to make her feel better.
2. The friend who responds with sympathy ("I feel so sorry for you") rather than empathy ("I get it, I feel with you, and I've been there"). If you want to see a shame cyclone turn deadly, throw one of these at it: "Oh, you poor thing." Or, the incredibly passive-aggressive Southern version of sympathy, "Bless your heart."
3. The friend who needs you to be the pillar of worthiness and authenticity. She can't help because she's too disappointed in your imperfections. You've let her down.
4. The friend who is so uncomfortable with vulnerability that she scolds you: "How did you let this happen? What were you thinking?" Or she looks for someone to blame: "Who was that guy? We'll kick his ass."
5. The friend who is all about making it better and, out of her own discomfort, refuses to acknowledge that you can actually be crazy and make terrible choices: "You're exaggerating. It wasn't that bad. You rock. You're perfect. Everyone loves you."
6. The friend who confuses connection with the opportunity to one-up you: "That's nothing. Listen to what happened to me one time!"
Next: Find a "move-a-body" friend >>
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