Super Soul Sunday
Sundays at 11 a.m. ET/PT
Posted: Sun 09/15/2013 02:00 PM
Shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown says shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. It's the most primitive human emotion we all feel—and the one no one wants to talk about. If left to its own devices, Dr. Brown says, shame can destroy lives.
Watch as she reveals the three things shame requires to grow and the one thing that can stop shame in its tracks:
Dr. Brown says shame is highly correlated with addiction, depression, eating disorders, violence, bullying and aggression. Guilt, however, is not. Find out why she says there's such a big difference between shame and guilt. Plus, watch as she reveals how she talks to herself when feeling shame, and get the one surefire way to pull yourself out of a shame spiral:
When something shameful happens in your life, Dr. Brown says, there are six types of people with whom you shouldn't share the story. Watch to find out who they are. Plus, hear why she says everyone needs just one "move-the-body friend":
Stopping shame cycles can start from childhood—even though Dr. Brown says shame is the number one classroom management tool in schools of every kind in this country. Find out what Dr. Brown wants all parents to know about shame, humiliation and name-calling:
Posted: Sun 09/15/2013 02:00 PM
In 2007, Dr. Brené Brown was researching and writing about living a wholehearted life when she realized for the first time she wasn't walking the walk. The realization landed her in intense therapy, where she began to recognize it as a spiritual awakening. In 2010, Dr. Brown shared that experience with 500 people at the TedEx conference. Little did she know, that talk would become an Internet sensation.
Watch as Dr. Brown reflects on life after Ted and how a marathon of Downton Abbey (complete with a jar of peanut butter) lead her to the inspiration for her new book, Daring Greatly:
Dr. Brown says she was raised, like many others, to believe vulnerability is a weakness. In fact, she says, you can't have true courage unless you open yourself up to vulnerability. Watch to find out why sharing your feelings and having hard conversations is the only way to dare greatly in life:
Dr. Brown started her research on vulnerability, worthiness and shame six months before September 11 and says our culture has been marked by deep fear since then. That fear, she says, shifted from external events to the fear that we as individuals are simply not enough. Watch to find out why Dr. Brown says those two words leads us to shut down emotionally and spiritually:
Posted: Wed 09/11/2013 12:00 AM
Photo: Danny Clark
As unique as we all are, an awful lot of us want the same things. We want to shake up our current less-than-fulfilling lives. We want to be happier, more loving, forgiving and connected with the people around us. So...we make decisions ("I'm going to hang out with happy people!"); we give ourselves lectures ("If you'd just stop feeling guilty, you'd able to do what you want); and we strive for markers of that accomplishment ("Just go to the completely intimidating party and meet one person!").
Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, author of The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly and research professor at the University of Houston, has spent the last 12 years figuring out what keeps us from living—despite our best efforts—the kind of wholehearted, fully involved existences that we're trying to lead. It turns out that a lot of the assumptions we hold so dear and we believe will turn around everything are...well...just plain wrong.
Read on to find out why! Then, tune in Sunday at 11 a.m. ET/PT for her all-new interview with Oprah. Watch only on OWN.
1. Fitting In Is Not Belonging
There are so many terms we use every day whose meanings are gauzy, if not downright imprecise—which makes it hard to get your head around what's really going on in your life. For example, contrary to what most of us think: Belonging is not fitting in. In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I've discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else entirely—it's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are—love of gourd painting, intense fear of public speaking and all.
Many us suffer from this split between who we are and who we present to the world in order to be accepted, (Take it from me: I'm an expert fitter-inner!) But we're not letting ourselves be known, and this kind of incongruent living is soul-sucking.
In my research, I've interviewed a lot of people who never fit in, who are what you might call "different": scientists, artists, thinkers. And if you drop down deep into their work and who they are, there is a tremendous amount of self-acceptance. Some of them have to scrap for it, like the rest of us, but most are like this neurophysicist I met who, essentially, told me, "My parents didn't care that I wasn't on the football team, and my parents didn't care that I was awkward and geeky. I was in a group of kids at school who translated books into the Klingon language. And my parents were like, ‘Awesome!' They took me to the Star Trek convention!" He got his sense of belonging from his parents' sense of belonging, and even if we don't get that from Mom and Dad, we have to create it for ourselves as adults—or we will always feel as if we're standing outside of the big human party.
The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don't have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for the worthiness we already possess.
Posted: Sun 09/08/2013 02:01 PM
Dr. Maya Angelou's latest book, Mom & Me & Mom, chronicles the deepest personal story of her life: The relationship with her mother, Vivian Baxter—a former nurse who ran her own gambling club, pool hall and boarding house. She was as fiery as she was nurturing. Dr. Angelou called her Lady.
Like a lot of mothers and daughters, their relationship was powerful yet complicated. When Dr. Angelou stopped speaking after she was sexually assaulted at age 7, Vivian sent her and her brother to live with their grandmother in Rural Stamps, Arkansas. When Maya turned 13, Vivian called them home to San Francisco. It was at that time Dr. Angelou truly got to know her mother.
Dr. Angelou says the love of her mother, Vivian Baxter, encouraged her to live a life full of pizzazz. It was also that love that helped Dr. Angelou to become the first black streetcar conductor in San Francisco at age 16. "I loved the uniforms," Dr. Angelou says. "So I said, 'That's a job I want.'" When she went to get an application, Dr. Angelou says, the staff refused to give her one. Watch below to see how her mother encouraged her to persevere—and find out how Vivian made sure her daughter was safe at work during early-morning shifts.
Dr. Angelou says that to describe her mother "would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power." One particular story from Dr. Angelou's life brings that to light. Watch below to find out how Vivian led the charge to rescue young Maya from an abusive boyfriend, who was holding her against her will for days:
Though Dr. Angelou says Vivian was a "terrible" mother for young children, she was a "fantastic" mother for young adults. When Dr. Angelou was 22 years old, Vivian told her something that changed her life forever. Watch below to find out what it was:
Posted: Sun 09/08/2013 02:01 PM
It's time for another round of life's big questions, this time with up-and-coming spiritual teachers Gabrielle Bernstein, Mastin Kipp and Marie Forleo. What's the difference between religion and spirituality? How do they each define God? What are they grateful for? Watch and get their enlightening answers.
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