No Boundaries, No Values, No Trust - Oh My!
Posted: Thu 09/27/2012 02:09 PM
In Martina's case, she met Gary while in foster care, a man who was supposed to act appropriately as her "uncle" and clearly did not. I know based on her personal story as a child, that she was not protected or taught unconditional regard for herself—which has followed her into her adult life, allowing unhealthy people to take advantage of her in many ways. We all need to come to a place where we understand the necessity of boundaries, of truth and of reality—and to be able to explore and process experiences from the past, away from shame, so that we can heal and go forward with a better understanding of who we are and what we need and deserve, for a love relationship to flourish. She's working on it, and I couldn't be more proud!
And then we saw a rare but touching glimpse of how repeatedly losing loved ones can actually remove us from those we haven't lost in fear of losing love again, as with Kristen and her children. My heart goes out to her, yet I know she will pull it and her family together. She is an amazing soul.
As for Ron, who learned a lesson so many of my love design clients learn on a regular basis. Initial physical chemistry is important—but do not be fooled, as it wears off—the reality is eros (lust and romance) cannot sustain itself. Sometimes people move from new relationship to new relationship in search of the perfect mate because something seems to be missing or something isn't perfect. People end up missing out on real love because they continually want to see what else is out there. It's actually that they don't want to look deeper within to see why this is.
Regardless, in the beginning of a new relationship—a time of physical, emotional and sometimes spiritual confusion—our bodies are bombarded with a cocktail of fun chemicals. Then, if we are lucky and stayed in for the right reasons, as time goes on, we experience the beautiful and amazing effect of the brains true bonding chemicals. This is shown while watching Ron experience some regret—after his initial exciting date on the rock wall and later finding himself on a day-long date longing for Anya's sense of humor, ease and shared values and friendship. Let's look at the importance of shared priorities and values. Without shared priorities and values, chemistry cannot be the foundation for a healthy relationship. Add in friendship, laughter and showing up as one's true self, and you've really got something hot because it's real. Charles and Francesca are a good example of this...
Sending love your way!