During each taping, Iyanla chooses one audience member to be the blogger of the day. For the sneak preview episode of Iyanla: Fix My Life, Bernadette manned the laptop, capturing lessons, quotes and more. Look back at her notes to find out how three generations of women—Corrine, Brenda and Bernetta—began their journey toward healing.







IYANLA: BEFORE THE SHOW   

• Every step has lead to this moment!   
  
• Family is a passion   
  
• We all have a family pathology   
  
• We have a chance to do better for those coming after us

QUOTES OF THE DAY   

• Taking on an unspoken epidemic, an epidemic of pain and sorrow in the family   
  
• Wants to provide tools and skills and information so everyone can begin the work required to heal every break and breakdown in your family   
  
• Breaking bread is a sacred thing   
  
• Everybody in the breakdown/up play a part in the breakdown

BERNETTA’S FAMILY DINNER   

• Break down walls of betrayal and begin some healing   
  
• Ask the questions that you need to know -How does it make you feel when your mother says I love you, but I can’t stand you?   
  
• Family is protective of each other  
  
• Call a thing a thing!  
  
• If a child doesn’t feel safe, they will not open up   
  
• Grandmother created a fracture in a relationship   
  
• Acknowledge a child’s special needs   
  
• Betrayal by lack of information   
  
• Ask for forgiveness   
  
• Bring your truth to the table   
  
• Brenda abandoned her daughter – needs to acknowledge it and ask for forgiveness   
  
• Behavior had to compensate for “lack of”  
  
• Can’t require her to do what you yourself won’t do!   
  
• Do you value her? Do you respect her?   
  
• Say what you feel!   
  
• TELL the TRUTH!!  
  
• Learn to accept each other the way they are!   
  
• Start building adult relationships    
  

QUOTES OF THE DAY

• What a mother says cuts deeper than anything else   
  
• What does that mean, “I am your mother?”   
  
• Corrine, you don’t get to sit in Brenda’s face and call her daughter your daughter – it’s disrespectful!   
  
• Pathology – mothers who don’t raise their children in the family   
  
• The role of the extended family is to support the parents as they do the work   
  
• Corrine took over!   
  
• What good does it serve for Corrine to remind Brenda that she is her daughter’s mother?  
  
• Accept people as you find them!   
  
• Never judge your clarity on someone else’s response   
  
• Step into your role   
  
• Your behavior creates the fracture   
  
• See them Higher!! See Brenda higher than she was   
  
• Yoda say, “Only do or don’t do!”   
  
• Acknowledgement is the first step toward healing

THINGS TO REMEMBER

• Ask yourself...does something need to be said?
• Ask yourself, what are you so angry about?   
  
• Why are you angry at mom?   
  
• Bring the anger up and out or it will show up in other relationships

BERNETTA’S FEELINGS

• I am angry with my mom because she was not the mom I always wanted
• She’s not the mom I am to my daughter
• She was not the type of mom my grandmother was
• I am angry with my mother because...my childhood would have been much better with a mother and father in the house!!   
  
• The little girl wonders why the grown woman is pissed off!   
  
• I’m angry with my mother because she wasn’t there for me   
  
• I’m angry at my mom because she picked my father   
  
• I’m angry at you because my heart is broken over you

QUOTES OF THE DAY

• Get in your heart!!!   
  
• Let it break because when it does, your compassion will flow!!   
  
• Fill that joy that you’re open to healing!!   
  
• When people have feelings or are upset, it's not about you. It’s about them.   
  
• Let them feel what they feel!! You can ask and speak   
  
• Accept who you are today   
  
• Don’t make her responsible for you actions   
  
• You can’t require her to “daughter” you – she is unwilling or unable to do it   
  
• You don’t have to understand why!   
  
• When there is a breakdown, you have to be willing to give up your position   
  
• When you are demanding someone fill a need for you, it is your responsibility to fill that need   
  
• Fill up that emotional void you want your daughter to fill   
  
• It is now time for you all to have an adult relationship

FAMILY FIXINS'   

• Get off your position 
  
• Don’t withhold the truth   
  
• Ask for what you want and say what you mean!  
  
• Listen to what is being said! Not to what you hear   
  
• Accept your family member for who they are and stop holding them hostage to what they did or did not do   
  
• NO GOSSIP