When something unbelievably phenomenal is happening in your life and you don't believe you are good enough to have it, you will consciously or unconsciously find a way to sabotage your dreams come true. My sabotage was totally unconscious. My life had changed so much, I hardly recognized it or myself anymore. I was going through the motions with no real emotional connection to any of it. My saving grace was Gemmia and my incredible staff. I had attracted a group of women, sister-friends who absolutely loved and supported me. They, along with Gemmia and my grandchildren, kept me sane. They ate chicken wings and drank Pepsi with me. They encouraged me when fear and doubt crept in. They answered the telephones and the mail. They supported the hundreds of people who flocked to my workshops and classes. They kept reminding me of the importance of the vision I had to build an international spiritual institution. They became the family I always wanted and thought that I never could have. They became the soft place I could fall as I realized that my marriage was falling apart.
Between recording sessions and speaking engagements, I would fly home. I remember the time I landed in my home-sanctuary just before the sauna room was complete. It was so beautiful! The walls were all glass, and from the hot tub I would have the perfect view of the three and a half wooded acres that surrounded the house. The one solid wall was built of blue marble that matched the tiles on the floor. The inside of the tub, also blue, was lit with rotating lights. The sauna was made of cedar, which gave the room an earthy smell. There was a spiral staircase up to the new redwood deck outside the master bedroom and a French door that led into the living room. It was just about done. By the next time I came home, my husband and I could float in the tub together and perhaps find our way back to each other.