Book Excerpt: Peace from Broken Pieces
Until and unless you know that you are enough just the way you are, you will always be driven to look for more. Knowing that you are enough is a function of consciousness. Your enough-ness develops in direct proportion to the relationship you have with your true identity. Until you wholeheartedly believe in your own worth, in spite of your accomplishments and possessions, there will be a void in your Spirit. I had more than a void. I had a gaping hole that no amount of achievement, money, or acknowledgment could fill. I'm not good enough, and I will never be good enough to deserve this kind of attention. It was the personal lie, the core belief running my show, encouraging me to blow up my life just to prove once and for all that I wasn't good enough to have or keep what was coming my way. There was a part of me that knew that I was on purpose, the same purpose the spiritualist had made me aware of so many years before—ushering other people on their spiritual journey. I wanted to do just that, be of service and support to others. There was, however, a part of me that refused to believe I could be that valuable.
After the fourth or fifth telephone call from the executive, I concluded that the offer warranted my attention. I knew there was a lesson I needed to learn, but I had no clue what it was. I decided to reengage my spiritual practice of prayer and fasting. I committed to pray and fast for seven days or until I got the direction I needed. The issue at hand was whether to stay at Harpo or leave and start my own show. My preference was to stay put, but I had that black hole in my Spirit to be filled.
On the sixth morning, I awakened with the thought, The time is now. I shot straight up in my bed and spoke aloud, "I am not leaving Harpo." As if someone were whispering in my ear, I heard it again, The time is now! Time for what? I concluded that the message meant that it was time for me to stand on my own. Then I came face to face with the belief that I was not good enough to stand on my own. That meant I was avoiding the offer because fear was driving my choice. But I really didn't want to leave Harpo; it was the opportunity of a lifetime. Why would I walk away from a blessing as huge as the one on my plate? Then I had one little egotized show me that I am good enough! thought. The thought was: Tell Oprah what is going on and ask her if she would be willing to back my show. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Published on September 11, 2012