When it comes to falling in love, we rarely have a choice in the matter. The very phrase "falling in love" suggests a lack of control, an undeniable, overpowering gravitational pull to the object of our desire.
However, falling back in love can require a little more effort and thought.
If you and your partner have been distant, disconnected, and downright crabby with each other lately, here are some easy ways to recreate that loving feeling:
Be honest. It's hard to be in love with your spouse if you are withholding secret thoughts and resentments. Honest communication is the cornerstone of intimacy between lovers. Dump your secrets and own up to your relationship truths (whether it is that you are faking orgasms or that you can't stand the way he acts around his friends), and ask him to do the same.
Share fantasies. If you want to spice up your sex life and have your needs met in the bedroom, then speak up and share your fantasies with your spouse. You can also create a "fantasy box." To do so, write down your fantasies on slips of paper, and then store them in a box in your boudoir. Whenever things get a little too routine in the bedroom, simply pull a piece of paper out of the fantasy box and act it out!
Restart your sex life. In some cases, the best way to get your sex life back on track is to stop it and then restart it. This new beginning will help you to renew your sex life without the past holding you back. A fresh start might be just what you and your partner need to reconnect!
Take note of the sex/intimacy cycle. Sex feeds the intimacy of your relationship, and the intimacy feeds the sex. Many men cannot feel emotionally intimate with their partner unless their sex life is satisfying, but many women cannot be satisfied by their sex life without intimacy. For example, if women aren???t called by their pet name, cuddled, kissed, and loved outside the bedroom, they might be less likely to crave sex. On the other hand, if the sex isn???t there, men pull away. This is why sexual problems need to be nipped in the bud???a poor sex life can truly destroy a relationship.
Schedule sex. Too often couples get hung up on the idea that sex should be spontaneous and completely unplanned. Yet if you are trying to juggle the demands of your family and your career, you know all too well that unplanned activities fall through the cracks. Until sex becomes a regular part of your weekly routine again, schedule it. Planned sex is better than no sex at all!
Schedule alone time. You need to have time with your spouse when you can just chat, reconnect, and yes, flirt! A date night is a guaranteed way to make sure that your bond with your partner stays strong and healthy, not to mention it's great just to enjoy each other's company in peace and quiet! If you can???t afford a sitter, switch off babysitting with another couple in your neighborhood or circle of friends. Don't try to do too much or cram your evening with a busy schedule that can cause conflict. Remember, this is all about reconnecting and rekindling.
Go on vacation with just your partner. A family trip with the kids is fun, but it isn???t exactly relaxing, nor does it lend itself to romance. Leave the kids at home and take at least one "romantic vacation" with your partner every year. (Hint: This vacation would be a great time to start implementing all of the above steps!) Airfare isn???t cheap, but your marriage is priceless!