Posted: Tue 07/10/2012 03:09 PM
Todd is 5 years older than me and is one of those big brothers that a kid can spend their entire life trying to live up to. Smart, funny, beloved... He was a golden child and is now a pretty golden grown-up. He's a guy that can be counted on in almost any situation—but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t make the occasional hilarious mistake.
About 15 years ago, Todd and I were in Orlando, Florida, en route to a cruise ship. I was about to begin my second contract as an improv comic onboard, and I was bringing my big brother along for his first. We were waiting in the airport at the baggage carousel when a homeless man approached my brother and asked him for money. Todd said that he didn’t have any and the man turned and left. He slowly walked over to some chairs, where an equally disheveled woman was waiting. From where we were standing, we could easily see her protruding belly and surmised that she was pregnant. A touching look came over Todd’s face. You could see him imagining the difficult life that would lay before that child and felt deep guilt for not helping the man.
Todd walked over to the couple and handed the man a twenty dollar bill. Todd waved off the man's thanks, pointed to the woman’s belly and said, "You just take good care of that baby, OK?"
To which the man replied, "She’s not pregnant."
Posted: Mon 06/11/2012 12:00 AM
Tonight is my right arm's television debut. It's pretty exciting I have to say. I don’t know what type of roles my right arm may be up for in the future, but this kind of exposure will definitely do wonders for it's career.
You see, for every question, we added a picture to illustrate what the question is about. This practice has led to some incredibly embarrassing photos (embarrassing both to shoot and to see)...for example, Lauren holding Aaron’s bare foot about two inches from her open mouth...or Aaron sending a text while sitting on the commode (Aaron got roped into a lot of the weirder pictures).
The pictures appear in the screens on the wall behind the contestants...you may have to look for them or squint a little bit, but trust me...they’re there.
And there is no doubt that my right arm is the perfect choice for one of the pictures in tonight's episode.
In 2000, when I had just ended my run on the cruise ship, I briefly lived in Dallas. One night, I was telling some friends about an idea I had for a tattoo. The response was split precisely down the middle. Two thought it was the best tattoo idea they had ever heard...and two thought it was infinitely dumb. I, always being a peacemaker, decided they were both right and I headed downtown to get the best infinitely dumb tattoo of all time.
Posted: Mon 06/04/2012 12:00 AM
The Question Team—as we were called in the first few weeks of pre-production—consisted of David, Lauren, Aaron and myself. (Maybe I should give them fake names to protect them from any embarrassment. Nah, what would be the fun in that?)
Early on, our job was just to think of all the little things that a lot of people do but never really talk about. We had no choice but to become extremely close very quickly because we were spilling all these embarrassing stories and humbling confessions about ourselves.
I mean, how many other offices can you work in where, on the first day, you and your office mates get into a deep discussion about whether or not you look at your poo before you flush AND have it actually be part of the job? I know more about the other three people on the team than I ever wished to know about anyone...and I’m sure they feel the same about me.
As I said in my previous post, not only did we come up with questions by sharing our past, personal experiences—sometimes those experiences unfolded right before our eyes.
For example, about a week into production, Barry took the Question Team out to lunch. He was trying to explain to us about how he wanted the questions to all be relatable. They all had to be based on something that a good number of people have at least heard of someone doing...if not actually done themselves. (Which killed my question:"Is it normal to try and eat a can of chili underwater?"Apparently, I’m still the only person to ever try that.)
We were all agreeing with everything he was saying—except for Lauren. It's not that she disagreed. She was just preoccupied with trying to get our server's attention. She had skipped breakfast and was very eager to get something to eat. The server was a round person with short, curly hair who had their back turned towards us. Lauren was trying to say "excuse me" as loud as she could without being impolite or interrupting Barry. Finally she got frustrated enough to raise her voice a bit and said "Excuse me, sir!" At which point our waitRESS (a female one) turned around and gave Lauren a much-deserved "stink eye."
It wouldn’t have been so bad if she hadn’t put so much emphasis on the "sir!" But her hunger conspired against her. She said "sir" with the kind of succinct certainty of a military man in basic training. There was no way to pretend she said or meant something else. We were stuck with this woman that Lauren had just inadvertently insulted leering at us and handling our food. (You really don’t want to make this level of mistake about someone right before they bring you a beverage...I’m just saying.)
Lauren was mortified and seemed to shrink six inches right before our eyes. We tried to make her feel better (between fits of laughter) by telling her it's a mistake we've all made at some point. Then Barry said, "This is exactly what I’m talking about."
We all realized immediately that Lauren’s humiliation was a small price to pay for such a great question. Well, I’m not sure if Lauren felt that way, but the rest of us sure did.
So is it normal to have mistaken someone for the opposite sex?
Watch our second episode, airing Monday June 4, at 9/8c to find out.
I’ll be back with more insights, question origins and humiliating stories about my co-workers next time... Enjoy the show!