One of their regular meeting places, Lynne says, was a parking lot by a softball field. "The majority of our sexual relationship was, sad to say, in the back of a minivan," she says. "That sounds pretty pathetic."
In addition, Lynne had sex in his house. "[His wife] would go home for the weekend. Sometimes the kids were there, they were just sleeping," Lynne says. "I would pull into his garage and shut the garage door, and we'd sleep in the spare bedroom."
Throughout the course of their relationship, Lynne says he would tell her that he was considering leaving his wife but didn't want to leave his children. "He just kept asking me to be patient with him and to be understanding," she says. "And then he'd say, 'Okay, in six months I'll make a decision.' And then another six months [would pass]."
His wife had been suspicious of her husband for some time, but he had always denied having an affair and she had always ended up believing him, Lynne says. "She said the only way she would ever believe [the rumors of an affair] is if somebody sent her pictures," Lynne says. "And we were out of state at a business meeting again, and she received pictures while we were out."
Lynne admits that during the course of her affair, she was delusional about what was actually happening. "You choose to believe what you want to believe," she says. "You choose to believe the one person who is lying to everybody else. But you believe he's telling you the truth. I can look now and it's like, 'Duh.' But you just don't think of that at the time."
Lynne says she told lies, too. His wife called her once asking about some rumors she'd heard about the affair. "I said, 'Oh, no, no. We're just really good friends and sometimes people at work think it's more than that because we're really good friends,'" Lynne says. "I wanted to tell her so bad. I wanted to just say, 'You're right!' I wanted her to find out because then he would have to make a decision."
Lynne says that all spouses need to be aware of the signs of cheating.
One of these is taking too long to accomplish simple tasks. "He would [tell his wife] he was going to work out or going to the store, and it would be, like, two and a half hours," Lynne says.
Another is showering immediately after getting home.
Cell phone bills also can provide plenty of evidence of an affair. "I had a $300 to $400 cell phone bill every month," Lynne says. "If [his wife] would [have] opened [his] up, she would have seen my number all over it."
Also, Lynne says out-of-town trips can be a sign. "He just would go [on 'hunting trips'] so much more often than he did before," Lynne says.
Dr. Robin says that Lynne clearly hoped that the man she was having an affair with would leave his wife. "Women get into this competitive thing where we want someone to choose us. We want to win," Dr. Robin says. "And we don't understand that often it's a booby prize when you win in that game."
In reality, this affair was not about winning a prize at all but was in fact an insult. "It is insulting to any of us to have someone who is married to pursue us and say things that are sexual or that are sensual or that are affectionate," Dr. Robin says. "And we should take it as an offense, not as something that strokes our empty, wounded egos."
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