The Millionaire Matchmaker's 11 Commandments of Dating for Women
By Patti Stanger
January 14, 2010
Spice up your love life with expert advice from matchmaker Patti Stanger.
1. Thou Shall Return Calls in a Timely Manner
Always return a potential love interest's call within 48 hours during the week (72 hours over the weekend). Be courteous...you're not living in the movie Swingers where you're supposed to wait X amount of days to call back. Busy men don't like rude girls—and there's plenty of fish in the sea besides you!
2. Thou Shall Honor Your Commitments
Believe it or not, it's hard for a guy to ask a girl out—online or in person. Don't be a flake. If you make plans, keep them. Don't bigger, better deal it! I don't care if it's George Clooney calling at the last minute—keep your plans! If you weren't interested in him, you should have never agreed to go out.
3. Thou Shall Let the Man Take the Lead
I know it sounds old-fashioned, but it's embedded in their DNA—men need to feel like the hunter. Let him call you first. Let him ask you out. If he's shy, invite him to a party—but then let him request the true first date from you! Be the hunted!
4. Thou Shall Leave History in the Past
That means...no ex talk! You do not want your guy picturing you having sex with someone else. That also means no baggage dumping, previous health issue talk or discussing any skeletons in your closet. Once you're in that committed relationship, well, that's another story.
5. Thou Shall Be Focused and Positive
Be engaging. Answer his questions with energy and genuine enthusiasm. Keep your attention on him—not the hot waiter. Ask questions. Banter (if you can). Listen with eye contact. Make it a conversation—the two of you talking back and forth—not interviewing. Think a pingpong match!
6. Thou Shalt Not Drink Too Much
I know it's tempting to have a few glasses of wine to relax before or during a date (especially a first one), but keep it at a two-drink maximum. Keep your wits—you need them! Stay clear and focused. Face it, being drunk and slurring your words just isn't attractive.
7. Thou Shalt Not be a Gold Digger
Do not ever ask for anything of monetary value. He is your potential soul mate, not your bank. If he offers to give you something—fine. But never accept cash. He may feel like a big guy paying off your credit card bill or paying your rent, but in the end he'll just end up feeling like he's paying for your affection.
8. Thou Shall Act Like a Lady
Be polite. Say please and thank you. Don't cuss. Don't sit with your legs spread open like a dude. Most men want their women to be refined and courteous. Which also means don't keep them waiting while you're doing your hair and makeup! It gives the impression you just don't care about his time or schedule...and that's just not ladylike.
9. Thou Shall Show Sincere Appreciation and Interest
Men like compliments just like you do. Remember that. Also remember the 4:1 Rule—once he takes you out four times, do something nice for him! Whether it's making him dinner, baking him cookies or whatever you can. It shows you care and that you're trying too.
10. Thou Shalt Not Give Nookie on the First Date
Kissing and hugging, that's fine. But nothing else. Take it slow, get into a relationship first—one that's real and asked, not assumed. I don't care how many drinks are involved. Giving each other sexual favors before a relationship is asking for there not to be one. No sex before monogamy.
11. Thou Shall Break the Text Habit
You're not in high school, so stop passing notes. If you do, he may actually call you. Remember, a woman falls in love between her ears, not her eyes! And while you're at it, step away from the computer. Get out of the chat zone and into reality. If you stop IMing so quickly, he (again) might just call you.