The Cold, Hard Dating Truth
"Not only am I a lot of the guys in the book, but I am also a lot of the girls in the book," Greg says. "I've been there. I've been with someone who didn't like me, cheated on me, treated me badly. I still had hope—even when she moved to New York to be with another guy. I could have stayed stuck. But if I'd have stayed stuck there, I'd have never met my wife and I'd never have the life I have now. It's not like I don't understand what it's like to pine for somebody. But what I realized was [she wasn't] into me."
Now Greg is revealing new insights about sex and breakups that will turn the dating world upside-down!
For 18 months, Charlotte and her fiancé didn't speak. Then, Charlotte contacted him. "I wanted to know just for myself," Charlotte says. "We had dinner. We ended up drinking a little too much and we ended up going to bed with each other. I know it messed me up. It brought back old feelings." That was three years ago but Charlotte is still looking for closure. Charlotte asks Greg, "Is it wrong for me to want closure from my ex-fiancé after so much time has passed?"
Greg says Charlotte's fiancé gave her closure, "Complete closure, the day of the wedding. He actually did you a favor in the worst possible, meanest, your-parents-should-want-to-run-him-down-and-get-him way. He did you a favor. He didn't marry you. Who wants to marry that guy? It's confusing what you did because you had breakup sex. Right? It's called 'breakup' sex. It's not called 'we're getting back together again' sex. Otherwise we wouldn't be here today."
"Let me just say this: Two months is not an inappropriate time to want to know what's going on with the relationship," Greg says. "But I always think if you have to ask, it's not good."
According to Greg, Tarneka and millions of single women are making another drastic mistake when it comes to sex. "I think you had sex too soon," Greg says. "I'm not saying you can't have a casual relationship but you've got to know what that is. You've got to know you're having sex with somebody early on and it's a sexually based situation and you haven't gotten to know the person better and guys want to have sex and maybe the guy will say, 'Look, I just want to have a casual sexual relationship.' That's fine if you both entered into the contract. But if you want something more… If you've made a connection, two months is nothing. Make him wait. Make him love it. Make him want it."
Greg says this is a classic case of "he's just not that into you." "I mean, you're such a secret that he forgot to go out with you one day," Greg says. "Here's the thing: When I love somebody or something, I'm crazy about her. I bought a Dodge Magnum station wagon and that's all I can talk about. It's got a hemi in it and 18-inch rims and I can't believe it, and I tell every person that won't be bored by me that I got it. … I'm stoked about it. So you can imagine how I should feel, and do feel, about my lady. I feel that way about my wife. … So, yeah, you shouldn't be a secret. Look at you. Who wants to keep you a secret? Please."
"Here's what I say about breakups: Don't let somebody break up with you more than once," Greg says. "It's like, break up with you once, shame on them. Break up with you five times…what's wrong, Amy? The thing about it is, what is he doing while he's not out with you? He's out looking for somebody else. He's out trying to find some other thing he's going to go do. That just isn't right. You're better than that. You know what I mean? Don't waste the pretty."
But Amy still wants to know why he keeps coming back if he's not really into her. "I guess my question is what is he getting out of it?" Amy asks.
"Probably some sex and companionship when he needs it," Greg says. "It's just not enough. That's the thing. It's not turning into anything. He keeps coming back and reinvestigating it, but it's not working. … I know it's tough but cut him off and see how that works. … You both need to do each other a favor and stay out of each other's lives because it just creates pain for you."
"Sometimes I'll refer to her as my wife when doing business because it does make me look more credible," Kris admits.
"It really upsets me," Angela says, "because I'm not his wife. I tell him, 'Don't call me your wife!' and he'll just laugh. … So—is he not that into me?"
"Is there anything wrong with [not wanting to get married]?" Kris asks.
"There is for her," Greg answers. "You don't have to get married. We're not saying, 'We're for marriage.' But if you want to get married, then find the marrying kind."
"And maybe," Oprah tells Kris, "you need to find somebody who doesn't care. What about that? There are a few of us left."
What's Greg's opinion? "I'd like to see you change boyfriends."
"Isn't it true his demands for her to change are just excuses?" Oprah asks Greg.
"Yes," Greg says. "It's just another reason not to get close to you. It's another reason not to go forward. … What would happen if you said to him, 'Enough. I'm walking out on this. It's not working for me.' If he really is a good guy, he'll be like, 'Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on. I'm sorry! I was wrong! What do you need?'"
Katrina says that they've already been down that road. Greg points out that things haven't gotten any better. "You got me there," Katrina admits.
Kathryn has also realized that if a guy isn't into you but you hang on to him, he's not to blame for your unhappiness. "It's not the guy's fault at all," she says. "It's something we create."
"Greg should have warned [men] that this book was coming out," Vince says on behalf of men everywhere. "These words used to work—like 'Let's just be friends' and 'I'm really busy but we can hang out.' Now all that stuff means 'He's just not that into you.' When women read the book they put their hands up and say, 'You're just not that into me.' It's made it really tough. … [Men] can actually use the book to [their] advantage. I got the book myself because you've got to know what people are reading. You can tell [women] some stuff in the book and they'll get it without you having to come out and say it."
Greg advises women to "keep their expectations down and get to know a guy." And if a guy gives you his version of "I'm just not that into you," accept it and move on. "You have one life," Greg says. "Shouldn't it just be awesome? Shouldn't it be great? Shouldn't he just be digging you?"
Richard says that he's been fortunate to be able to travel the world, and he wants to share the fun with someone special. "Seeing the Taj Mahal under a full moon," he says, "is a heck of a lot more fun [if you're not] alone. … Just because you're an old geezer like me," he says, "doesn't mean you're not interested in romance and adventure."
To learn more about Richard Roe and where to send your videotape, visit his website: www.seniorbachelor.com.