'He's Just Not That Into You' author Greg Behrendt

Comedian Greg Behrendt co-wrote the relationship handbook He's Just Not That Into You that's flying off bookshelves everywhere. Greg says his in-your-face analysis of relationships is meant to empower women as much as it is to sympathize with them.

"Not only am I a lot of the guys in the book, but I am also a lot of the girls in the book," Greg says. "I've been there. I've been with someone who didn't like me, cheated on me, treated me badly. I still had hope—even when she moved to New York to be with another guy. I could have stayed stuck. But if I'd have stayed stuck there, I'd have never met my wife and I'd never have the life I have now. It's not like I don't understand what it's like to pine for somebody. But what I realized was [she wasn't] into me."

Now Greg is revealing new insights about sex and breakups that will turn the dating world upside-down!
Charlotte wants to know why her fiance left her at the altar.

Charlotte endured one of the most humiliating things that can ever happen to a woman in love. On the day of her wedding, her fiancé woke her up, saying, "We have to talk—I don't want to get married." Charlotte says her ex-fiancé has never been able to tell her why he broke up with her. "He's only ever been able to give me, 'Because,'" Charlotte says.

For 18 months, Charlotte and her fiancé didn't speak. Then, Charlotte contacted him. "I wanted to know just for myself," Charlotte says. "We had dinner. We ended up drinking a little too much and we ended up going to bed with each other. I know it messed me up. It brought back old feelings." That was three years ago but Charlotte is still looking for closure. Charlotte asks Greg, "Is it wrong for me to want closure from my ex-fiancé after so much time has passed?"

Greg says Charlotte's fiancé gave her closure, "Complete closure, the day of the wedding. He actually did you a favor in the worst possible, meanest, your-parents-should-want-to-run-him-down-and-get-him way. He did you a favor. He didn't marry you. Who wants to marry that guy? It's confusing what you did because you had breakup sex. Right? It's called 'breakup' sex. It's not called 'we're getting back together again' sex. Otherwise we wouldn't be here today."
Tarneka wants to know if her boyfriend is only into her.

After a great two months of dating, Tarneka wants to define her relationship with her boyfriend. Tarneka says although they've slept together, she's not sure if they're a couple. When she met his friends, he introduced her as Tarneka—not as his girlfriend. Tarneka asks Greg, "Do you think that he doesn't want to put a label on us because there's other girls out there, too? How soon can I ask if he's only into me?"

"Let me just say this: Two months is not an inappropriate time to want to know what's going on with the relationship," Greg says. "But I always think if you have to ask, it's not good."

According to Greg, Tarneka and millions of single women are making another drastic mistake when it comes to sex. "I think you had sex too soon," Greg says. "I'm not saying you can't have a casual relationship but you've got to know what that is. You've got to know you're having sex with somebody early on and it's a sexually based situation and you haven't gotten to know the person better and guys want to have sex and maybe the guy will say, 'Look, I just want to have a casual sexual relationship.' That's fine if you both entered into the contract. But if you want something more… If you've made a connection, two months is nothing. Make him wait. Make him love it. Make him want it."
Debbie wants to know if she's a secret for a reason.

Debbie says she and her boyfriend have been hot and heavy for six months but no one knows that they're dating! "We've had the talk and we've decided we are boyfriend and girlfriend, but why are we the only ones that know it? And I admit things aren't always perfect: The other day we were supposed to have lunch and he totally forgot about it!" Debbie asks Greg, "The secret girlfriend wants to know is he into me or am I a secret for a reason?"

Greg says this is a classic case of "he's just not that into you." "I mean, you're such a secret that he forgot to go out with you one day," Greg says. "Here's the thing: When I love somebody or something, I'm crazy about her. I bought a Dodge Magnum station wagon and that's all I can talk about. It's got a hemi in it and 18-inch rims and I can't believe it, and I tell every person that won't be bored by me that I got it. … I'm stoked about it. So you can imagine how I should feel, and do feel, about my lady. I feel that way about my wife. … So, yeah, you shouldn't be a secret. Look at you. Who wants to keep you a secret? Please."
Amy wants to know if her boyfriend will ever commit.

Over the past three years, Amy's boyfriend has dumped her three times! "About six months ago we get back together, for real this time," Amy says. "We were great. It was a serious, committed relationship. And guess what, Greg? He broke up with me!" Amy asks Greg, "Is he really into me, or is he just into breaking up and getting back together?"

"Here's what I say about breakups: Don't let somebody break up with you more than once," Greg says. "It's like, break up with you once, shame on them. Break up with you five times…what's wrong, Amy? The thing about it is, what is he doing while he's not out with you? He's out looking for somebody else. He's out trying to find some other thing he's going to go do. That just isn't right. You're better than that. You know what I mean? Don't waste the pretty."

But Amy still wants to know why he keeps coming back if he's not really into her. "I guess my question is what is he getting out of it?" Amy asks.

"Probably some sex and companionship when he needs it," Greg says. "It's just not enough. That's the thing. It's not turning into anything. He keeps coming back and reinvestigating it, but it's not working. … I know it's tough but cut him off and see how that works. … You both need to do each other a favor and stay out of each other's lives because it just creates pain for you."
Angela and Chris can't set a date.

Angela, 51, and Kris, 41, have been together for six years. She's desperate to get married and he's not. "Everybody says he's not going to marry me," Angela says, "and sometimes I think, 'Why should he?' I cook for him. I clean for him. I take good care of him and I'm sure he's thinking, 'Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?'"

"Sometimes I'll refer to her as my wife when doing business because it does make me look more credible," Kris admits.

"It really upsets me," Angela says, "because I'm not his wife. I tell him, 'Don't call me your wife!' and he'll just laugh. … So—is he not that into me?"
Angela and Kris don't see eye-to-eye about marriage.

"It's really actually very, very simple," Greg's answers. "Angela wants to get married…and [she's] been clear about that. And he's been very clear…he's telling you every day he doesn't want to marry you now."

"Is there anything wrong with [not wanting to get married]?" Kris asks.

"There is for her," Greg answers. "You don't have to get married. We're not saying, 'We're for marriage.' But if you want to get married, then find the marrying kind."

"And maybe," Oprah tells Kris, "you need to find somebody who doesn't care. What about that? There are a few of us left."
Katrina wonders what else she needs to change about herself?

Katrina says that her boyfriend of five years keeps telling her things she needs to change about herself before he'll marry her. She's changed one thing after another, including her career, but it's never enough. "I love this man and I know he loves me," Katrina says. "After five years together, do I really need to change for him to be into me?"

What's Greg's opinion? "I'd like to see you change boyfriends."

"Isn't it true his demands for her to change are just excuses?" Oprah asks Greg.

"Yes," Greg says. "It's just another reason not to get close to you. It's another reason not to go forward. … What would happen if you said to him, 'Enough. I'm walking out on this. It's not working for me.' If he really is a good guy, he'll be like, 'Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on. I'm sorry! I was wrong! What do you need?'"

Katrina says that they've already been down that road. Greg points out that things haven't gotten any better. "You got me there," Katrina admits.
Kathryn dumped her boyfriend after reading 'He's Just Not That Into You.

After reading Greg's book, Kathryn dumped her deadbeat boyfriend of four years. "[Before you read] the book," Kathryn says, "there are certain guys that you give a lot of slack to—and some guys you throw the whole rope to. … We're all professional, smart women. We know how to go after things in work and business. We get the job. It's hard to turn that switch off when it's personal."

Kathryn has also realized that if a guy isn't into you but you hang on to him, he's not to blame for your unhappiness. "It's not the guy's fault at all," she says. "It's something we create."
Vince wishes Greg Behrendt had warned him about the book.

Vince is a 32-year-old marketing manager who says he had to flip the script on his dating strategy because of Greg's book.

"Greg should have warned [men] that this book was coming out," Vince says on behalf of men everywhere. "These words used to work—like 'Let's just be friends' and 'I'm really busy but we can hang out.' Now all that stuff means 'He's just not that into you.' When women read the book they put their hands up and say, 'You're just not that into me.' It's made it really tough. … [Men] can actually use the book to [their] advantage. I got the book myself because you've got to know what people are reading. You can tell [women] some stuff in the book and they'll get it without you having to come out and say it."

Greg advises women to "keep their expectations down and get to know a guy." And if a guy gives you his version of "I'm just not that into you," accept it and move on. "You have one life," Greg says. "Shouldn't it just be awesome? Shouldn't it be great? Shouldn't he just be digging you?"
'Senior Bachelor' Richard Roe is looking for a travel companion.

If this wealthy bachelor is into you, it could mean an all expenses paid trip around the world. "The only catch," jokes 63-year-old "Senior Bachelor" Richard Roe, "is that you have to go with me." He's looking for a fit, fun and over-40 woman to be his traveling companion on the trip of a lifetime. What's the itinerary? "Two months or two years," he says. "Wherever you want to go."

Richard says that he's been fortunate to be able to travel the world, and he wants to share the fun with someone special. "Seeing the Taj Mahal under a full moon," he says, "is a heck of a lot more fun [if you're not] alone. … Just because you're an old geezer like me," he says, "doesn't mean you're not interested in romance and adventure."

To learn more about Richard Roe and where to send your videotape, visit his website: www.seniorbachelor.com.
FROM: The He's Just Not That Into You Revolution
Published on April 27, 2005


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