The peace that had evaded Ted for so many years was due largely, he says, to a struggle to be the ideal version of who he thought the world expected. "I wanted to be the good guy," he says. "I just wanted to be faithful to my wife. I wanted to be faithful to the wonderful people that came to New Life Church. And so I would say, 'If I pray and fast one more time,' I would get strength."
But Ted says it was immediately after the scandal that he began to tell the truth fully, admitting everything to his wife, Gayle.
"[Now] it's the first time in my life that I haven't had these wars going on, and the difference is [that] I've had two years of open process where I don't have people looking at me as a leader," he says. "I'm just a guy."
